ACT Limit-Setting for Parents
By: McCayla Berry, M.A., LPC
Setting boundaries and consistent limits for children can be challenging! The ACT Limit-Setting method is a common method implemented in child-centered play therapy and can also be used as a tool for parents. Garry Landreth is the founder of child-centered play and has created this tool to simplify limit-setting.
ACT stands for:
A- Acknowledge the feeling. First step is to identify and validate the emotions the child is feeling. Validating the emotions does not validate their behaviors, but simply helps the child feel seen and helps create connection in the process.
C- Communicate the limit. This is where the redirection or correction of behavior begins. An example of how you can communicate the limit could sound like: “When you choose to ____, you choose to ____.” By explaining the limit with this phrasing, it allows the opportunity to teach your child about the natural consequences of decisions they make while also allowing them their sense of autonomy. It goes beyond just saying “No!”
T- Target alternatives. This is where you provide different choices your child can make. Narrowing down their options can help the child with decision-making and expanding their view.
Here’s an example of how you can use this model in real-time using a hypothetical scenario:
Your child is arguing with another child about a toy/game they both would like to play with. You can begin to see your child frustrated and raise their tone of voice or even hit the other child.
A:
“I can see you really want to play with that toy/game and so does your friend. This is a frustrating situation.”
C:
“It’s okay to feel frustrated, but it is not okay to yell or hit. When you choose to yell at or hit somebody, you choose to take time to calm down so everybody feels safe.”
T:
“So if you’d like to play with that toy/game, you can choose to take turns for 5 minutes or you can choose to play with _____.”
It’s definitely easier some days to just say “no” to nip the behaviors in the bud. The shortcut of no, implementing punishment, and raising tones may be effective in the short-term, but those methods miss opportunities for growth. The ACT limit-setting method is the long-game to play when you consider that one day, they will become their own adults who need the confidence to make decisions for themselves and to work cooperatively with others.