Holiday Blues: Why They Show Up—and How to Care for Yourself Through Them
Written by Julie Murillas, M.S., LPC-Associate
From a therapist who sees this every year (and has lived it, too)
Every year around this time, something interesting happens in my therapy room. While the world insists we should be merry, bright, grateful, and full of joy… many people quietly feel the opposite. Instead of excitement, they feel dread. Instead of connection, they feel lonely. Instead of nostalgia, they feel sadness, irritability, stress, or a heaviness they can’t shake.
We tend to call it the holiday blues. And if that’s you this season, you’re far from alone.
As a therapist, I want to normalize that the holidays can activate a lot: grief, complicated family dynamics, financial pressure, comparison, sensory overload, and the exhaustion that comes from trying to do it all. The season often magnifies what’s already present. If you’re already stressed, you may feel more stressed. If you’re grieving, the absence feels bigger. If your relationships are strained, the expectation to be “festive” can feel downright painful.
The good news? There are ways to soften the edges of this season and care for your emotional well-being. Here are a few therapeutic, practical strategies to help you navigate the holiday blues with more ease and compassion.
1. Lower the bar—on purpose.
Many of us enter the holidays with silent expectations: perfect hosting, perfect mood, perfect gifts, perfect behavior from everyone in the room (including us). Perfection is a setup for disappointment. This year, be intentional about lowering the bar. Consider the 80% rule: “Good enough is actually good enough.” Let simple be okay. Let quiet be okay. Let “I’m doing my best” be okay.
You don’t have to perform joy to belong here.
2. Build in recovery time.
Think of yourself like a phone battery. Socializing drains it. Travel drains it. Family interactions can drain it veryquickly. Instead of waiting until you’re burned out, schedule in recovery time—guilt-free. That might mean taking a walk after a gathering, staying in a hotel instead of with family, or keeping one evening per week just for rest. Your energy needs are legitimate.
3. Acknowledge what hurts.
Holiday blues often intensify when we avoid naming what we feel. You’re allowed to say, “This is a hard season for me,” without it making you ungrateful or negative. Grief and joy can coexist. Stress and love can coexist. Missing someone doesn’t mean you’re failing to appreciate the people who are still here.
One helpful practice: write down the thing (or person) that feels heavy this season. Putting it into words gives your mind a release valve.
4. Create micro-moments of grounding.
If the holidays tend to feel chaotic, grounding practices can help you stay regulated. These can be tiny—nothing elaborate.
Try:
Box breathing (four seconds in, hold, four out, hold).
Holding a warm mug and noticing the heat.
Touching something soft to activate your senses.
Stepping outside for one minute of fresh air.
These small resets keep your nervous system from spiraling.
5. Set boundaries that protect your peace.
Boundaries aren’t walls - they’re agreements that help you stay emotionally safe. Decide in advance what you will and won’t participate in. Maybe you limit the length of a visit. Maybe you choose one event instead of three. Maybe you skip the topics that always lead to conflict.
A simple boundary phrase to tuck in your pocket:
“I’m not able to do that this year, but thank you for understanding.”
Short. Respectful. Complete.
6. Let connection be small and authentic.
You don’t need a movie-moment holiday to feel connected. Text one friend you trust. Sit with someone you love for five uninterrupted minutes. Share something real instead of something polished. The antidote to loneliness isn’t more people—it's meaningful connection, even in tiny doses.
7. Choose one thing that brings you comfort.
Not ten. Not five. Just one. A favorite candle. A nostalgic recipe. A playlist. A walk at dusk. A holiday tradition you keep just for yourself. When everything feels heavy, the smallest consistent pleasure can anchor you.
A gentle reminder…
If you’re feeling the holiday blues this year, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It means you’re human, and this season can be complicated. You deserve compassion, calm, and enough space to care for your own heart.
And if this time of year brings up more than you can carry alone, therapy is a supportive place to sort through it. You don’t have to navigate any of this by yourself.