Separation Anxiety: Why Children Struggle to be Separate and What you Can Do to Support Them Through Transitions

By: McCayla Berry, M.A., LPC

What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is when a child exhibits difficulty in being away from a caregiver, whether it be anxiety before school drop-offs, sleeping away at a different place separate from parents, and even the regular bedtime routine at home. Children can exhibit anxiety through tantrums, prolonged crying, and clinginess. It’s common for all children to be anxious at times, especially through periods of transition, but there is a difference between normal separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorder shares the symptoms of regular separation anxiety, but the main difference is that the child’s ability to function in their daily activities is being impacted by the anxiety over a span of time.

For regular bouts of separation anxiety, a parent can support their child by:

Practicing separation with child by leaving for short periods of time and over time lengthening the time apart. Start with separating for an hour and add on time through events as the child becomes more resilient in separating.

Say goodbyes in a short and concise way- don’t drag out separation too long as it can increase the child’s anxiety as they anticipate the separation.

Have a consistent caregiver and consistent place to begin practicing separation. It’s typically best to start with having a caregiver watch them at your home, a place most familiar and comfortable to your child.

Keep to your word. A child’s anxiety may heighten if they are told a specific time that you’d return and you’re not on time. Consistency is key.

Talk with your child about their struggles. This can help reduce feelings of shame and embarrassment for your child.

Remind your child of their strengths and their resilience! Remind your child when they were able to survive the last separation and praise them for their efforts.

What if my child has separation anxiety disorder?

If you’re concerned that your child’s separation anxiety is excessive, seek professional help for support! We have an number of child therapists able to help provide support and education.

Counseling can be a scary step, but we want to make it as easy for you as possible. We have Counseling options in Houston, San Antonio, and virtual counseling! Contact us to learn more.