Lasting ways to connect with your partner this Valentine’s Day!

Lasting ways to connect with your partner this Valentine’s Day!

As Valentine’s Day soon approaches, the National Retail Federation expects that holiday spending will exceed $18.2 billion for the United States.  This means that on average each individual will be spending around $135!  If you are anything like me, this seems like a whooping number, especially when you take into consideration that this is likely being spent by two people in a relationship – that’s a total of $270!  In light of this information, I wanted to share with you all some ways to connect with your partner that do not cost near this much money!

If you have been reading my blog postings, then I am sure that you can guess what my lost cost recommended activities are likely to be centered around – yep, you guessed correctly, sex!

An activity that I highly recommend for any couple looking to deepen their emotional connection and build sexual energy is to share sexual fantasies with one another.  And when I mean share, I mean SHARE.  I want the two of you to discuss every detail of what is happening in each of your fantasies.  Talk about clothing.  Discuss the details of surroundings.  Mention what would be happening with each of your senses.  What can you smell, hear, feel, see, and taste in this fantasy?  I firmly believe that discussing the details of a sexual fantasy is what brings the fantasy to life and helps to build the sexual energy.  Doing this also allows your partner to have a full picture of what exactly you are imagining.  One of the most important things to keep in mind when sharing a sexual fantasy with your partner is to remain as non-judgmental as possible.  Having someone judge or laugh at us while being vulnerable enough to share something so personal could be potentially damaging to the relationship!  If you are looking to shake things up with your partner this Valentine’s Day, set the mood by discussing each other’s sexual fantasies! You may find that you and your partner have similar desires or find that you can bring a fantasy to life!

Another activity that I would highly recommend for couples looking to connect this Valentine’s Day on a smaller budget is to try out new sexual positions.  What position is it that you have been wanting to try for a while, but have been too shy to voice to your partner?  Discuss it with them and try it out – what have you got to lose?  Remember that crazy position that you and a partner have joked about doing? See if you can find it online or in the book that I have mentioned in previous blog postings (“Loving Sex” by Dr. Berman) and try it out!  Even if the position does not work out, odds are it will be an experience that you and your partner will remember (and maybe laugh at) forever.  If no such positions or activities spring to mind, take a look at the list of Valentine’s Day sex positions that Bustle complied for you (  See if there is something that you and your partner might like to try out!

In the case that you and your partner have a bit of time to spend together this Valentine’s Day or this weekend, if you are like so many who wait to celebrate on the weekend, I suggest taking some time and visiting an adult toy store together.  Have fun walking through the aisles and discussing what you might like to incorporate into your shared sex life!  If you find yourself near Eros 1207, I highly recommend stopping in (! This store has a massive selection of just about anything you can imagine, plus more! 

It does not take a fancy dinner and $135 in gifts to make a memorable Valentine’s Day for your partner.  Discuss some of the options I provided with your partner and try one out this Valentines!  Send me an email at and let me know how Valentine’s went with your Valentine!

As a final note, in regards to Valentine’s Day – I hope you and your partner get the opportunity to spend some time to yourselves, deepening your emotional connection to one another.  However, if the opportunity does not arise on Valentine’s Day, that is okay! Every day is a great day to deepen your relationship with a partner – Valentine’s just acts as a nice reminder for many who are unable to put their relationship at the top of their priority list every day.  Relax! Try to ease the pressure off yourself and your partner.  If Valentine’s plans do not work out, it will be okay! Discuss with your partner that you would like to plan some quality time together in the near future so that the two of you can work on building your emotional, physical, and sexual connection!

Written by Katie Mitchell, M.A., CST-Candidate

Katie Mitchell is a counselor and Certified Sex Therapist-Candidate at Heights Family Counseling. She believes in using a solution-focused therapeutic approach to therapy, in order to empower clients to discover more effective solutions to their problems.  Katie aims to foster a non-judgmental, accepting environment that helps clients to feel comfortable sharing their deepest thoughts and self-reflections. Katie enjoys working with a variety of clientele, such as individuals, couples, and families.  She also enjoys working with both individual and relational sexual concerns.  She understands that an active sex life is incredibly important for most individuals, especially those in a relationship. Learn more about Katie by visiting,, or learn more about our services at,