Healing Through Story: My Top 10 Reads of 2022-23 (Part 2)
Written by Michele Dial, M.Ed, LPC
HFC Lead Thearpist
*Trigger Warning: This blog contains commentary on books about interpersonal and sexual violence. Although there is no detail about these experiences in this blog, please be aware of your limits and take care of your personal needs if you decide to continue reading. Relevant books are marked with an asterisk (*).
“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you have understood all your life, but in a new way.” ~ Doris Lessing, author, Nobel Prize winner
Welcome to Part 2 of my Top 20 17 10 Reads of 2022-23, also known as my learning journey. If you missed Part 1, you can find the first group of the collection here. It’s worth noting that many of these books are not how-to’s. I read several memoirs and a handful of fiction, because we can learn a lot from the stories people tell. I invite you to open your heart and mind, and allow yourself to consider expanding your views on these crucial topics of our shared humanity.
I’ve pared the list down even more for the sake of brevity. All the great books I read are including at the end with a brief note about subject matter.
If you’re too short on time or bandwidth to read all these gems, I’m including links to the authors’ TED Talks, podcasts, and other media, when possible. What they have to offer is worth taking in.
TLDR: Scroll through and read the “Quotable” lines from each book. From there, you can decide if you want to go deeper with the book or other media.
*She Said by Jodi Kantor & Megan Twohey
This book impacted me deeply and stuck with me long after I listened to it. It’s the story of how two journalists united and empowered numerous survivors of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual harassment and assault to tell their stories and finally see justice served. Those of us who have never experienced sexual harassment or violence may not fully understand the turmoil that seizes a victim as they teeter between justice and personal safety. Reporters / authors Kantor and Twohey fostered safety in community, empowering these women who had been silenced and isolated to stand up for themselves and each other, then brought their stories to life to inspire and empower others.
Quotable: He counted on my shame to keep me silent.
Also notable: I’m prepared to be a named source in your investigation.
Also notable: This way of treating women ends now.
Additional Media:
*Saving Ruby King: A Novel by Catherine Adel West
Saving Ruby King is a captivating, fiction story of two Chicago families bonded by a legacy of sexual abuse, violence, racism, and other tragic experiences endured across multiple generations. West crafts a story that gently invites us to look at ourselves and the world around us, and to be truthful about how we see people. There’s no denying the murky waters of implicit bias – the views we absorb from our environment, including family members, friends, prevailing community culture, laws, school practices, movies, music, and countless other longstanding beliefs and practices that influence our lives and go unchecked for generations. In order for humankind to create and sustain meaningful change, we have to first acknowledge the need for change – not just “out there,” but within ourselves, as well.
Quotable: They are afraid of our skin, and we are afraid of our power. It’s a perfect storm for destruction – our destruction.
Also notable: The police quickly took control of the scene . . . guns raised. We all heard them shout orders and we obeyed, but with the distinct fear all of us have when it comes to police – that no matter the level of compliance, we might still have our caramel-colored bodies riddled with bullets, nonetheless.
*What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo (A Memoir)
Stephanie Foo’s memoir gives an up-close-and-personal view of her story of prolonged parental abuse throughout her childhood. She courageously details how she survived, how she “overcame” initially, the insidious development of her not-good-enough mindset, and how it all culminates in her adult friendships and romances. She traces her story back through several generations of her family’s trauma, and how those experiences are passed down through the ages via epigenetics. Her story is one of hope and lifelong healing, despite twists, turns, and setbacks on her journey.
Quotable: No matter what I do, no matter where I try to find joy, I instead find my trauma. It whispers to me, “You will always be this way. It’s never going to change. I will follow you. I will make you miserable forever.”
Also Notable: Why was I a flinching, hissing animal, never safe or tame enough to sit quietly in someone’s lap? Would my inner beast always force me away from others?
Additional Media:
Interview: We Can Do Hard Things podcast
Friends, Lovers, & the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry
Matthew Perry’s tragic death is heartbreaking. Not because he’s a superstar. Because he’s a human being. One who represents countless unfamous people who have walked a similar path of addiction and hopelessness. In his view, his memoir helps people because it tells the story of addiction and all its trappings from the unique perspective of the addict himself. Perhaps his story of feeling unworthy and running from a deeply held fear of abandonment is not too far from your own. Despite being liked, loved, respected, and appreciated by virtually every person he knew (especially those he helped find sobriety), his soul-crushing secret is that he didn’t feel that he deserved any of it. He managed those haunting feelings with drugs and alcohol. And despite his extraordinary wealth, he could not buy healing or a sense of worthiness. Even though we know its tragic ending, Perry’s memoir is a story of wisdom, growth, healing, and hope.
Quotable: Wherever I tried to hide from myself, there I was.
Also notable: I was a kid from Canada who had all his dreams come true. They were just the wrong dreams. And instead of giving up, I changed dreams. … Now I do what we’re all here to do, which is to help other people.
Additional Media:
Interview With Tom Power
Matthew Perry Wanted To Be Remembered For Helping Others In Recovery From Addiction
*Complex PTSD by Pete Walker
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is PTSD that is amplified and compounded by prolonged, sustained abuse or other traumatic experience over an extended period of time. C-PTSD is not currently an official diagnosis in the DSM-5. However, the research and understanding of this experience is growing exponentially. Pete Walker has written a very relatable and practical guide to experiencing and healing from Complex PTSD. His wisdom and vision for survivors of complex trauma is invaluable in navigating your path toward healing. For example, Walker goes beyond describing the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses – the 4 F’s – and delves into their strengths and gifts, hybrid types, and how these tendencies show up in our relationships. You will learn so much about yourself and others in your life in these pages, because, whether you realize it or not, you probably know someone who can relate.
Quotable: Once a child learns that being useful and not requiring anything for herself gets her positive attention from her parents, codependency begins to grow.
Also notable: Trauma-induced codependency is the syndrome of self-abandonment and self-abdication.
Also notable: No wonder I ended up with [so many narcissistic people]. Narcissists love me because I’m so enabling of their monologuing.
And one more: When we emotionally remember how overpowered we were as children, we can begin to realize we were too small and powerless to assert ourselves, and now remind ourselves that we are in adult bodies. We’re no longer small and powerless. We have a lot more resources to take care of ourselves.
Additional Media:
The 4Fs: A Trauma Typology in Complex PTSD
13 Steps To Manage Emotional Flashbacks
More High-Quality Work
* I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet by Shauna Niequest
® Flipping “shoulds” and self-criticism on their heads, Niequest shows us the value of compassion for what we haven’t learned, and helps shift our perspective to one of openness for growth and learning.
* Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
® The author shares a personal journey of learning to mask the unique attributes of autism and self-expression, and finding a career and lifestyle that don’t require masking and self-contortion to fit a mold.
* Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison
® A personal account of the author’s journey through life with autism as he navigates the expectations of societal norms (as indicated in the title), seeks understanding of himself, and finds a career that allows him to thrive and succeed.
* Atomic Habits by James Clear
® A supremely practical guide to creating and sustaining the habits we long to embody through accessible and actionable strategies that are easy to implement.
* The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama
® In her unique, relatable voice, Michelle Obama shares her treasure trove of sage wisdom about working through life’s challenges and bridging the gaps between us with our common humanity.
* Bittersweet by Susan Cain
® In an age of sometimes toxic positivity, Cain explores the value of melancholy, sorrow, and longing as messengers and catalysts for creativity and balance.
* Essentialism by Greg McKeown
® An exploration and practical guide in paring down our obligations and expectations to access a more fulfilling life.
* Spare by Prince Harry
® A lesson in going beyond what we see on the surface, the stories we’re told by others, and the deeper story underneath; it’s true of every person, royal or not.
* Chosen By A Horse – How A Broken Horse Fixed A Broken Heart by Susan Richards
® A therapist’s personal journey of healing through her relationships with horses and the people who nurtured her.
* Find Another Dream by Maysoon Zahid (only available on Audible)
® Maysoon shares her lifelong journey through racism, ablism, resilience, and using your gifts; she’s a badass who conquers with grace, humor, and determination.
* You’re A Miracle and A Pain In the Ass: Embracing the Emotions, Habits, and Mystery
That Make You You by Mike McHargue
® A research-based memoir focusing on trauma, autism, attachment styles, and various therapeutic experiences, including CBT, AEDP, and polyvagal theory.
* Untied by John Roedel
® A touching and relatable personal journey of depression, grief, and healing through poetry.
* Worthy by Jada Pinkett Smith
® Jada shares her journey of trauma, her wild youth, her marriage, parenting, and healing through reflection and work with a medicine woman.
* A Gift of Hope by Danielle Steele
® Danielle Steele’s insightful personal account of the bottomless well of homelessness and her years-long efforts to serve those in need by delivering clothes and food directly to people living on the streets of San Francisco.
What have you read that’s worth sharing? I’d love to hear about it! Email me at micheledial@heightsfamilycounseling.com.
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