New Year, New Ways to Connect

At the beginning of every year, advertisers push the “New Year, New You” slogan to sell a myriad of different things that are often forgotten by the start of spring.  What if this year you set a new intention that would benefit yourself, your relationship, and your partner? What if this year your intention is to prioritize the way in which you sexually connect with your partner? 

You can prioritize sexually connecting with your partner by having conversations about your shared sex life.  People can get into the habit of assuming that they know exactly what their partner wants sexually, but the reality is we are unable to read each other’s minds.  Stop assuming what your partner wants!  Simply ask!  I understand that this can be an overwhelming topic for many couples, especially if you and your partner do not regularly discuss your sex life.  However, talking about sexual intimacy with your partner does not have to be an overwhelming experience.  There are many ways to approach discussing sexual intimacy that help to make the conversation less daunting.  One way is to let your partner know that you are interested in casually discussing your shared sex life and then set time aside to discuss the matter privately.  If you have children and worry about having enough privacy within the home to discuss, taking a walk together might be a great way to ensure some privacy while talking.  Some initial topics for discussion could be: what you like about your current sexual experiences, what you want to do more of, what you might be interested in trying out, or what you might want to do less of.  It is best if this conversation takes place before having a sexual interaction.  If done during, input from either you or your partner might be misconstrued as judgment or criticism.

People will say that they would like to change up their sexual routines, but are unsure of what to change, what to add, or how to obtain information to do this with a partner.  If this sounds like you and your partner, a great way to initiate this conversation is to get Dr. Laura Berman’s Loving Sex: The Book of Joy and Passion (amazon link:*  I love this book for clients because it offers demonstrative photographs and illustrations in conjunction with a ton of useful information.  Introduce the book to your partner and ask them to tag positions, activities, etc. that they might be interested in or willing to try.  You can also do the same, picking out activities or positions that you would like to incorporate into your sex life.  The two of you can then sit down to have a conversation about what each of you have picked out and when you might be able to try something new out.

It is never too late to set new intentions for your relationship and the way in which you sexually connect with your partner.  Instead of “New Year, New You,” Make 2018 the “New Year, New Ways to Connect with your partner!” Give one of the options I have discussed a try. Be sure to write me at, and let me know how successful this was for you and your partner.

*I do not receive any financial incentives for recommending Dr. Laura’s book; I just think it is a great tool!

Written by Katie Mitchel, M.A., Certified Sex Therapist- Candidate

Heights Family Counseling Counselor