Can an app enhance communication and sexual pleasure with your partner?

I read an article earlier this week about a survey that was conducted in 2013 by Princeton on American’s use of the internet.  This survey found that 25% of the sampled couples reported that their partner’s phone had been a distraction while spending time together.  When I read this article, I immediately began to think about the implications of these findings and how knowing this information could help to create change for couples.  I began to think about how people could utilize their phones as a relationship enhancer rather than a distractor.  Immediately, I thought about the Gottman Card Deck app.

The Gottman Card Deck is an app that is based off of the work of John and Julie Gottman.  This app offers different types of questions that partners can ask their significant others in order to initiate conversations regarding topics such as sexual pleasure.  This user friendly app also offers an enormous amount of helpful suggestions that are applicable for most straight, gay, and lesbian couples.

As a clinician, I typically encourage both partners to download and utilize the app so that a sense of shared experience can be fostered.  Within the app, there are several different card decks to choose from.  Additionally, each individual question has a check at the bottom of the card so that couples can keep track of the questions that they have already answered.  This also helps remind couples when they need to revisit a particular deck of questions, especially if neither partner can remember their significant others’ answers to the questions.

For the purposes of enhancing sexual communication and/or pleasure with a partner, I would recommend starting with the decks labeled “Sex Questions to ask a Man” and “Sex Questions to Ask a Woman.”  Both of these decks are filled with questions pertaining to masturbation, pleasure, orgasm, eroticism, etc.  I recommend that partners ask their significant others questions and vice versa so that this experience flows more like a natural conversation, especially if this is the first time discussing these topics with a significant other.  As a side note, I think all of the decks included in the app are great, so if you have the time, I would highly recommend going through all of them!!

The other decks that I highly recommend for improving sexual understanding and communication are the mild, medium, and hot salsa decks.  Each of these are for a specific type of couple.  The mild salsa deck is aimed for partners who want romantic, but non-sexual suggestions to spice up their relationship.  You might find a suggestion such as send your partner a love letter or poem within the mild salsa deck.  The medium salsa deck targets to spice things up by suggesting different activities for couples who are comfortable with sexual intimacy, such as deciding to have sex in a totally new place.  Lastly, the hot salsa deck strives to add some zing to the sex life of a couple who is looking to explore their sexual desires.  A suggestion from this deck might be to read an erotic book aloud together.  I would recommend discussing with your partner what category you are both comfortable jumping in to and begin there!

I cannot stress enough how much I love this app for couples!  This is only a taste of all that this app has to offer, and I hope each of you try out the app for your own relationship.  Hopefully this will be an experience that enhances the time you spend with your partner and your phone.  Write me at to let me know how much you enjoyed the Gottman Card Deck app!

*This app is free and is compatible with Apple and Google Play.

Written by Katherine Mitchell, M.A., Certified Sex Therapist-Candidate

Katie Mitchell is a counselor and Certified Sex Therapist-Candidate at Heights Family Counseling. She believes in using a solution-focused therapeutic approach to therapy, in order to empower clients to discover more effective solutions to their problems.  Katie aims to foster a non-judgmental, accepting environment that helps clients to feel comfortable sharing their deepest thoughts and self-reflections. Katie enjoys working with a variety of clientele, such as individuals, couples, and families.  She also enjoys working with both individual and relational sexual concerns.  She understands that an active sex life is incredibly important for most individuals, especially those in a relationship. Learn more about Katie by visiting,, or learn more about our services at,