I was recently interviewed by someone looking for clickbait. What they didn’t know was I don’t do light, and I certainly don’t do divisive. We were going to go deep whether their article wanted it or not, hence the failed interview.
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Being a therapist, I have a few “secrets” about human behavior. One is that the pursuit of happiness can sometimes be dangerous and destructive. I know, shocking for a therapist to say this, right? Give me a second to explain. We know from research that people constantly stay at a happiness level of 7 on a 1-10 scale. I witness this often in session, when someone is going on an amazing vacation, they rant about the service or weather.
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“How are you doing,” I commonly ask clients, and the response is “I’m okay…” The okays are sounding different these days. Heavier. There is a lot of hope as of late. Vaccines have been a game changer for many, as many are able to re-enter society after a “lost” year. However, there is still a heaviness. I’ve been talking to lots of people lately and listening to what feels heavy right now and why feelings of depression might be lingering.
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February’s highlighted position of the month is the Straddle Up. With COVID still being spread fairly rapidly, remember that if you or your partner are not feeling well, you might consider delaying sexual engagement. As a healthy sex practice, please continue to wash your hands before and after a sexual experience. Plus, if it helps you both to feel more comfortable, start your shared sexual experience by taking a shower together!
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Codependency has become widely regarded as a dirty word when it comes to relationships in our culture. American culture places a heavy emphasis on being wholly independent, independent from family, financially independent, as well as emotionally independent. We hear through all sorts of media that a strong person is one who does not rely on anyone else.
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“This is fine” (insert meme of cute dog sipping coffee with fire surrounding it). I think I sent this meme to different members of the HFC team at least half a dozen times throughout the pandemic with tears running down my face from laughter like I was losing it… Maybe I was losing it. Humor is my coping skill and while my own therapist may disapprove of it at times, it really has helped me survive the pandemic.
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For many people, this may seem like a silly question. Many people do not think much about their gender and how they define it. American culture, along with many others around the world, has had a strong focus on men versus women for a long time. Women have had and still have different rights, advantages, and experiences than men across the globe. Men and women have different societal expectations of roles within families, how they dress, how they play, who they love, and how they work, only to name a few. When most people think of gender, they think of the sexual body parts that we are born with and our chromosomal make-up, however, these things refer to our biological sex, not gender. Gender is how we express ourselves in relation to masculinity and femininity, not our biological sex.
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hat’s a lot of people in emotional pain. There’s a pretty good chance that you know someone who has depression or has suffered from depression in the past. Would you know it if you saw it? Could you recognize depression in the people around you?
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Did you know your brain has a negativity bias? That’s right. Your brain is actually wired to see negative context first and you have to work extra hard to think positively. In some ways, this is a strength because it allows us to best protect ourselves against danger. Although, it can also contribute to a lot of the pain, anger, and burnout we experience in our jobs, our relationships, and other parts of our lives. The good news is that we can change the neurochemistry of our brains by consistently practicing new ways of thinking.
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It was 20 years ago this month that my grandfather passed away. This was my first experience with death and the dying process. I was 12 years old, and I still remember the feelings I felt to the news that he passed away… extreme sadness, shock, anger, worry, confusion, etc. Those are a lot of feelings for any child to experience all at once.
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As parents, we are often looking for ways to provide our children with resources, support, and care. Perhaps, you’ve noticed your teen would benefit from speaking with a therapist and you’re unsure of how to approach the conversation with them. In all my years in the mental health field, I have seen parents take one of two approaches, forgoing the conversation and bringing the teen to therapy without their knowledge, or preparing the teen for the first counseling appointment. I
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I have given 2020 many names, but my latest is “a year of reflection.” We have found ways to navigate what originally seemed like impossible circumstances. We have dealt with overwhelming emotions and goals that were not forecasted in our New Year’s resolutions. While it is important to grieve the loss of so many experiences that were unable to continue, it is also helpful to use this time as an opportunity to reflect and grow.
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