Position of the Month: Sexual Fantasies- From Our Certified Sex therapist-Candidate

Written by Katie Mitchell, M.A.

For October’s position of the month, I decided to go in a bit of a different direction that usual.  Instead of highlighting one specific position, I thought that I would share some pointers on discussing sexual fantasies with partners.  With this information in tow and a spirit of playfulness, the two of you will be sure to have a freaky-fun Halloween! 

First, try to keep an open-mind when it comes to discussing your partner’s sexual fantasy.  Be interested and ask lots of questions!  Try to avoid judgmental language when talking about each other’s sexual fantasies.  Nothing will shut-down a conversation about sex quicker than interpreting judgment from your partner.  When talking with your partner about his/her fantasy, keep in mind how you would want them to react when you share your own sexual fantasy.  Get details about the costumes, role-plays, adult sexual toys, location, sex positions, etc. that you and your partner envision.  With Halloween nearing, costumes and other props desired for your fantasy are much easier to access; however, I wanted to include the following links in case you are unable to find what you are looking for or are lacking in possible ideas! [Halloween adult toys] [Costumes and sex positions]

Second, talk about your boundaries and the ways that you are open to exploring this fantasy (or not).  Your partner may have a fantasy that crosses your boundaries, and that is okay.  It does not mean that you are required to do it.  Again, remember to use language that reflect and open mind.  Discuss what you are each willing to do, and again discuss the details of what this fantasy would look like!  Ask each other lots of questions! 

Thirdly, decide on when the two of you want to make this happen and REALLY GO FOR IT!  I am fully aware that most of us are not natural actors, but at the same time, really going for it and throwing yourself into the fantasy, is what makes the fantasy come alive.  If your fantasy involves a lot of details, allow for enough time to make it happen.  Dress up and really throw yourself into the role that you and your partner have (consensually) discussed. Have fun with one another and remember this is a time to connect and play in a different, fun way!

I hope you and your partner are able to conjure up some freaky fun with one another this Halloween season.  Build connection in a different way that might lead to your funniest and sexiest Halloween yet!