Common Holiday Stressors That Impact Relationships
By: Katie Mitchell, M.A., LPC, CST
Senior Lead Clinical and Sex Therapist
The holiday season, while often seen as a time of joy and connection, can introduce unique stressors that affect even the strongest relationships. While there is no “one-size-fits-all” experience, certain themes emerge in my couple sessions around this time each year. Here are some common holiday stressors that may impact relationships, along with thoughts to manage them.
1. Financial Pressures
Gift-giving, holiday travel, and hosting can add up quickly, straining the family budget. Money stress often triggers underlying anxieties, and couples may find themselves in disagreements over spending. Open communication is key: try setting a budget together that aligns with your shared values. If the two of you can be on the same page early in the session, this will help manage communication throughout the holiday season. Remember, meaningful experiences often matter more than expensive gifts. There are lots of great resources now for lower-cost, high meaning gifts. Try taking a look at Pinterest or making a Chat GPT list. Remember to give it specific information related to the list you are wanting to create, such as, “Create a list of 15 low-cost, but high meaning (or put in experience-based gift idea) holiday gift ideas for a(n) individual/family who enjoys (fill in blank).”
2. Family Expectations
Family obligations can bring tension, especially when each partner has their own set of traditions and expectations. Deciding whose family to visit, or navigating family dynamics, can be challenging. Prioritize together as a team—decide which traditions are most meaningful to each of you and consider creating new ones. Open communication, flexibility, and compromise are crucial to validating the importance you migth both have for different things/experiences. Remember the two of you are on the same team! Also, there is no way to appease everyone (meaning all family members involved) so try to prioritize what is most meaningful to the two of you, as you are your own family experience now.
3. Time Pressures
The holidays are busy, and it is easy for quality time as a couple to fall by the wayside. Between work, social events, and family gatherings, you may feel like there is no time to relax. Try scheduling a “holiday date” for just the two of you, even if it is a simple walk or coffee break. In the hustle and bustle of it all, carving out some time to not lose sight of the season (whatever that reason may be for you both) can help with not feeling swept away with time. Also, setting aside time to reconnect can alleviate tension and remind you why you are celebrating with each other.
4. Unresolved Tensions
The holiday season can amplify existing stressors or conflicts that may have been simmering throughout the year. Emotions often run high, and unresolved issues can surface, especially when we are in family settings that might bring to light repressed or avoided conflicts. Consider this an opportunity to openly discuss any lingering issues and set a positive tone moving forward. Therapy can be an excellent space to address and resolve these underlying concerns.
5. Holiday Blues and Seasonal Depression
The holiday season can also bring on sadness, loneliness, or seasonal depression, which can affect both partners. If one or both of you are feeling low, be gentle with yourselves. Shame can be entrenched in depression/sadness, which can exacerbate isolation and/or loneliness. Again, remember that talking about shame out loud immediately takes power from it. Whether it be with your partner, seeking support/connection with friends/family, or with a mental health profession, encourage each other to talk to someone. Be supportive with each other regarding self-care, maintaining healthy routines, and connecting with others. If you or your partner need help, please seek it!
The holidays are a chance to strengthen your bond as a couple by supporting each other through the season’s ups and downs. Embrace communication, practice patience, and remember that it is okay to prioritize your relationship—even in a season full of other priorities.