By: Mireya Pava, M.S., LPC, NCC

Did you grow up in a household where so much was expected of you? The expectations themselves could have been vocalized or inferred, but either way, they lead toward a path of intense pressure. This happens to many of us, and it is especially common among people of color.

As you can imagine, a lot of pressure weighs on the children whose parents have migrated from other countries and came to the United States with high hopes and dreams. These children carry this pressure to succeed, to do better, be better, to conform to society, to not be defiant or problematic, and to be perfect. This need for perfection can create many problems and lead to an immense amount of guilt. This guilt of living a life that is different than parents, family members, friends, and to others around them can be incapacitating.

For those who are wondering what a golden child is? Well, it is a child who is expected to be perfect and successful. It is a child that was favored by parents, a child who feels the need to be an example for their younger siblings, or someone who may or may not have a secure sense of self.

Does this seem familiar to you? Do you know someone struggling with perfectionism? If so, this blog is written just for you. It is a message of healing and self-love.

How do I know that I am the Golden Child? Often, the Golden child may experience the following:

People pleasing behaviors

Difficulty with boundaries and saying no

Being an overachiever

Fear of failure

Anxiety

Growing up or maturing early

How do I heal?

" To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”- Oscar Wilde

First, it is imperative to acknowledge that there is no time limit. Healing is a journey, and you do not have to do it alone.

Self-awareness

Acknowledging your feelings and validating them. Discovering a sense of self that is not warped by expectations from others. A version of you that has yet to be discovered.

Identifying habits and triggers

Your value is not defined by success. Identify what bothers you and see how it is impactful. At times triggers are caused by events that have happened during childhood.

Create boundaries

Boundaries are a way to express your limits to others. They let others understand what is acceptable and not acceptable for you. Remember it is okay to say no to people. Saying no does not make you a bad person.

Establish self-love

What are things that bring you joy and happiness in your life? Make a list of things that bring you joy and include things that you are curious about doing.

Affirmations are also a great way to build compassion for self. Name five things that you love about yourself and repeat them daily.

Lastly, remember that you are doing the best that you can, even during those moments that feel otherwise.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is not only practiced through breathing techniques. I always tell my clients to find something that is helpful and makes the most sense to them. It could be a visual exercise, walking outside, yoga, breathing techniques, awareness of your surroundings, using fidgets, creating a sensory box, body scans, practicing gratitude, and more.

Support system

Protect your safe space. Who are the people that support you and respect you? It is okay to distance yourself from those who cause you harm.

Therapy

Therapy can assist you with processing your emotions and dealing with the distress levels that you may face in your life, especially regarding perfectionism.

Counseling can be a scary step, but we want to make it as easy for you as possible. We have adult therapy options in Houston, San Antonio, and virtual counseling! Contact us to learn more.

For the Golden Child: How to Heal