If you are part of the human race, it means that you have struggled with self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-doubt at some point in your life. Many of us have had questions, such as “Am I enough,” “Am I good enough,” “do people even like me,” or “why do things seem so much more difficult for me?” Resilient counseling uses a variety of techniques with the basic principle that the client has the strength and expertise to solve their own problems. Counseling can provide a safe place to discuss your struggles, but resilient therapy means counseling is also a place to recognize your strengths. For instance, have you ever struggled through a difficult situation, only to make it out stronger? Those are the stories that we listen for. It might be the exceptions in your life- when you feel that everything is going wrong- we hear the exception where things went wonderfully. By doing so, we are helping rewrite your own personal narrative. A narrative that recognizes your strengths and also provides you with the self-compassion needed because we as humans struggle, and we need the self-compassion to allow ourselves the permission to struggle. If you are wanting to recognize your own strength, be able to find your own answers, and live with more self-compassion try a few of these things.
1. I love journaling. It is a place to express yourself and work through your feelings. However, I really love positive journaling. Every night write down 3 things that went well. Each month write down a goal you met. Save this journal and reread it often!
2. Another beautiful thing about being human is that we are social creatures. Relationships bring us strength and joy. Take some time each month to let the people in your life know what you appreciate about them. Handwritten cards, emails, or text that express your gratitude and appreciation of your loved ones can help you with a more positive sense of self as well as strengthen your relationships.
3. I personally feel that vulnerability is one of the best experiences. Stop trying to hide your weaknesses or be shamed by them. Be vulnerable and allow yourself the self-compassion to allow imperfection- if you are familiar with Brene’ Brown you probably have heard of her book The Gifts of Imperfections.
4. Find meaning and purpose in your world. Start naming your values and defining what gives you meaning. Determine if you are putting enough energy into those areas. Maybe you will recognize that your energy has been spent in the wrong areas. For instance, if you are passionate about family, are you spending enough of your time with them? Could you spend more time in prayer, etc.?
5. Humans have a tendency to have a negative bias toward life- we were literally wired for this to help our survival. However, this negative bias is hurting our emotional health. Start thinking in terms of exceptions. When you feel like you are never on time, think about a time you made it to an appointment on time. This is rewiring your brain to be more positive and providing you with more self-compassion.
If self-compassion, self-doubt, or self-esteem is something you would like to improve, maybe it is time to find a resilient based counselor.
Written by Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPC-S
Amy Rollo is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor and owner of Heights Family Counseling. Amy has been practicing counseling and diagnostic evaluations for fifteen years. She has doctoral level training in the areas of child and adolescent counseling, evaluations, marriage and family therapy, and adult counseling. Amy Rollo provides counseling and evaluation services in the Houston Heights and surrounding areas. Amy’s goal in counseling is to journey with her clients in order to foster positive changes and growth in their lives. Read more about Amy's counseling style by visiting www.heightsfamilycounseling.com and read more about her services http://heightsfamilycounseling.com/services-1/