Sex Later in Life: Getting Better with Age

 Written by Katie Mitchell, M.A., NCC, CST, LPC

Lead Therapist and Sex Therapist at Heights Family Counseling

A notion that often gets expressed during sessions is the idea that if sex isn’t great now, it’s only going to get worse with age.  As you can imagine, this is quite a defeatist line of thought – nor, does it have to be the reality.     

Physical intimacy is a fundamental aspect of most romantic relationships, and as couples age, the dynamics of this intimate connection inevitably undergo transformations.  While the media often portrays a narrow image of romantic relationships focused on youthful passion, the reality for older couples is nuanced and rich.  Let’s explore the changes that can occur with physical intimacy in older couples and discuss possible insights on how to navigate this evolving terrain.

-       Shifting Priorities: From Quantity to Quality

o   As couples age, priorities often shift from the quantity of physical intimacy to the quality of connection.  While the intensity of passion may change, the depth of emotional and spiritual connection tends to deepen.  Older couples often find new ways to express their love and affection, emphasizing the importance of emotional closeness over sheer physicality.  Question and card decks might be an option when attempting to facilitate deeper conversations and more meaningful connection.

-       Communication is Key

o   As the physical aspect of a relationship evolves, open and honest communication becomes paramount.  Couples should feel comfortable discussing their desires, concerns, and any physical changes that may impact intimacy.  This communication not only fosters understanding but also allows partners to adapt to each other's needs and preferences, ensuring a satisfying and comfortable intimate connection.  Becoming well versed in open-communication and reflective listening will become more significant than ever, especially when exploring heavy topics like sexuality and shared sexual experiences.  If communication has been a struggle for you and your partner, you might consider couples/sex therapy to tune-up communication and listening tools. 

-       Embracing Changes in Bodies

o   Aging brings about changes in the body, and couples must learn to embrace and adapt to these transformations.  Physical conditions, medications, and hormonal changes can influence one's libido and physical abilities.  Understanding and supporting each other through these changes is essential.  Seeking medical advice when necessary and exploring new ways to enjoy physical intimacy can help couples maintain a fulfilling connection. 

-       Exploring New Horizons: Creativity in the Bedroom

o   While some physical aspects may naturally change, it's important for couples to explore new ways to connect intimately.  Trying new activities, introducing variety, and being open to experimentation can rekindle the flame of passion. Mutual exploration can not only bring excitement but also deepen the emotional bond between partners.  This may include, but is not limited to exploring different lubricants, moisturizers, medications, positions, physical accessibility accessories (sex swings, sex cots/chairs, foam cushions, etc.).

-       Prioritizing Emotional Intimacy

o   In the later stages of a relationship, emotional intimacy often becomes the cornerstone of physical connection.  The ability to understand each other's needs, share vulnerabilities, and provide unwavering support creates a foundation for a strong and lasting intimate relationship.  Physical intimacy, when coupled with emotional closeness, becomes a profound expression of love that transcends the physical act itself.  Again, a great time to explore couples therapy if either of you struggle with open, vulnerable communication. 

Physical intimacy in older couples is a dynamic and evolving journey.  It's essential for partners to adapt, communicate openly, and prioritize emotional connection.  By embracing the changes that come with aging, couples can navigate this terrain with grace and continue to enjoy a rich and satisfying intimate connection.  Remember, the true essence of physical intimacy lies not in the passing of time but in the enduring strength of the emotional bond shared between partners.

If you’re struggling with physical intimacy as an older couple, reach out to see how sex therapy can help.