Understanding your child’s Love Language
Written by Kristin Tallackson, M.A.
Many of us have heard of the book, The Five Love Languages. Couples are the first to buy the book, hoping it will shed light on how to better show love to their partner. Yet, many stop there, and few think about what their child’s love language is. Understanding how your child gives and receives love is important to their emotional development. So, how do we show our children the love they need? First, identify their love language. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and giving gifts. Here are some tips on how to express each love language.
Words of Affirmation:
Practical Ways to Express this Language
Say “I love you”
Make a thank you card
Write a list of three things that you find awesome about your kid
Say “I like it when you ___”
Reinforce the positive by saying, “You’re doing a great job”
Write a secret note on the bathroom mirror
Make a get well soon card
Encourage your child by telling them, “Don’t give up”
After saying good night, add “I can’t wait to see you again in the morning!”
Create a secret love signal just between you and your child
Compliment someone with your favorite adjective: “You are ___!”
Quality Time:
Practical ways to Express this Language:
Go on a picnic
Go on an early morning or evening walk
Have a one-on-one breakfast with your child
Volunteer for a community service project together
Do a puzzle together
Play a board game
Head to the library to pick out new books to read
Find a new event to attend
Tell a made-up story -- have your child contribute as well
Go on a scavenger hunt
Have a face-to-face conversation -- uninterrupted, giving your full attention
Acts of Service:
Practical Ways to Express this Language
Help make each other’s bed in the morning
Do laundry together
Prepare lunch together
Go grocery shopping together
Have your child help you make breakfast for your partner
Ask someone, “How can I help you today?”
Bring a drink to refresh someone
Do an outdoor chore together -- rake the leaves, shovel snow
Clean up toys together after playtime
Head over to the grandparents and help them with a needed chore
Physical Touch:
Practical Ways to Express this Language
Bear hug
Cuddle on the sofa during a movie
Have a tickle session
Hold hands while out and about
Pick your kid up and swing him/her around
Give each other a high five
Give each other a cool hairdo
Be each other’s dance partner
Link arms and skip in circles
Do a three-legged race down the hallway
Give your child a piggy back ride
Gift Giving:
Practical Ways to Express this Language
Make your child’s favorite meal
Give your kid some cool stickers
Share dessert together
Have you and your child come up with a gift for your partner
Pick a few gently used toys and clothing to donate
Head outside with your child to pick flowers separately, arrange in bouquet and give to the other person
Create a scrapbook together
Leave a surprise gift on their bed before bedtime
Accept a gift with a great big smile
Kristin is a counselor at Heights Family Counseling who specializes in anxiety, behavior, mood, attachment, and teen and child counseling. Kristin's counseling approach is to offer a safe place for you to process and work through a multitude of circumstances, while offering valuable insight and perspective into whatever journey you may find yourself. Her philosophy is to embrace you where you are, equip you with tools, coping mechanisms and knowledge, and empower you to take those tools and lead a fulfilling life. Read more about Kristin’s counseling approach at https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/amy-rollo/. Set up an appointment with Kristin online by going to our contact page.