Insights from The Power of Meaning By Emily Esfahani Smith
Written By Michele Dial, M.Ed, LPC
Clients sometimes come into counseling seeking purpose and direction. More often than that, they come in suffering from depression and/or poor self-image, and may discover that the root of these issues is that they don’t have a strong sense of purpose or direction in their lives. Lack of meaning in one’s life is just one of many drivers for depression and low self-esteem. And it’s a powerful one because people want to know that they matter, that their life has worth.
In her book The Power of Meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith notes that despite our culture’s obsession with happiness, the US incidence of suicide is at a 30-year high. She pulls at the thread of this dichotomy and determines that meaning is the cornerstone of a sustainable life of fulfillment and contentment. On her quest to understand how people from all walks and stages of life find meaning, Smith shares the stories of a devout rabbi, a transformed prison inmate, a dedicated zookeeper, an injured athlete, a young cancer patient, and a host of other real-life characters she encountered. Her research reveals four pillars of meaning: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence.
Four Pillars of Meaning
Belonging When we speak of belonging, terms like community and tribe come to mind. I think of a tribe as a close-knit group of people – sometimes family, sometimes friends – in which we can show up and be ourselves, authentic and genuine, no pretense. They see us for who we are and love us as is. Community leans towards a group of like-minded individuals who generally share common interests, values, goals, mindset, life experience, or some combination of those tenets. Groups may be broad, such as a city or a body of faith. Smaller communities may include college alumni, a run club, a sports team, a book club, a mom’s group, or a musical group.
One may also connect with people on a similar life journey. For example, GRASP – Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing – is a group of people connected by the unique and painful journey of watching loved ones suffer, sometimes for many years, with addiction and eventually die from overdose or other drug-related death. Shared life experience is a powerful bonding agent that fosters a sense of deeper knowing, of understanding one another, and contributes to a felt sense of meaning.
Purpose People who feel they have purpose tend to strive toward goals that advance the wellbeing of another and often involve some sort of self-sacrifice. William Damon, a developmental psychologist at Stanford says that these goals are “stable and far-reaching” as opposed to daily living tasks like getting to work on time or working out a few days a week. In addition, these goals typically involve a contribution to the world. Contribution is the operative word here. We don’t have to save the world. It’s about contributing to a greater good, such as teaching, parenting, rescuing stray pets, serving underprivileged communities, or advocating for a person’s rights.
This sense of purpose can be seen in people who work for companies that serve the community through charitable giving and or operating charitable organizations. Even if their daily responsibilities are not directly connected to the service project, employees know that their work contributes to revenue and resources that serve people in need.
Even teens who help their families with the responsibilities of running a home, such as cleaning, cooking, and caring for younger siblings often feel a greater sense of purpose. Smith says that, “No matter what occupies our days, when we reframe our tasks as opportunities to help others, our lives and our work feel more significant.” This service mindset can make even the most tedious tasks purposeful, and meaning-full, when they benefit the people you love.
Storytelling We all have a story. It’s not an exhaustive, detailed account of our lives, but a snapshot of the most impactful events, good and bad. According to Smith, the stories we tell about our lives reveal how we understand ourselves and how we interpret the events of our lives, and they reinforce different aspects of who we are. In other words, the narrative we craft captures our view of life and self. Smith makes the distinction between redemptive stories and contamination stories. As you might guess, the former is a story of growth, agency, and hope. The latter is a story of sorrow, bitterness, or hopelessness. People who tell contamination stories are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, and their accompanying physical health risks.
Storytelling is a powerful healer. Through telling their stories within the bounds of safety and support, for example on stage at The Moth or in a therapeutic setting, people who suffered traumatic experiences are often able to re-process what happened to them and gradually shift their perspective from one of suffering to one of triumph. Listening to the traumatic stories of others also helps survivors to process their experience while maintaining a safe distance from their own painful memories and emotions. This connection to others through story fosters a sense of solidarity and meaning.
Transcendence According to Smith, “A transcendent experience is one in which we feel we have risen above the everyday world to experience a higher reality.” She tells her own story of transcendence on a guided “constellation tour” at the McDonald Observatory in the Davis Mountains of West Texas. She describes a sense of awe and mystery at the deep black sky punctuated by dozens of shooting stars and far-off celestial bodies she’d never encountered. She also recounts the powerful and opposing experience astronauts have shared of viewing Earth from outer space.
It turns out there are empirical (verifiable) studies that examine the impact of awe on one’s sense of self. Isn’t that fascinating? The research revealed that awe-inspiring experiences led to a diminished sense of self-importance while simultaneously feeling connected to something massive and meaningful. What inspires awe can vary from person to person. While most of us will never travel to outer space, we can still experience awe in our corner of the world. Stories abound of transformative encounters with God through prayer and meditation, both alone and in group settings. Every day, we experience the mysteries of our brains and bodies and the magnificence of nature around us. Regardless of what conjures up our sense of awe, it seems that when we are able to get outside of ourselves to experience something beyond our realm of comprehension, we are forever transformed.
As I read through this book – twice – the common theme of connection to others shouted at me, page after page. In every pillar of meaning, Smith ultimately comes around to describing connectivity in one form or another, be it through a sense of community, a service mindset, sharing stories, or a force greater than any one person on earth. I can’t say it any better than she did, so I’ll wrap up with Smith’s own words:
“Love, of course, is at the center of the meaningful life. ... That’s the power of meaning. It’s not some great revelation. It’s pausing to say hi to a newspaper vendor and reaching out to someone at work who seems down. It’s helping people get in better shape and being a good parent or mentor to a child. It’s sitting in awe beneath a starry night sky and going to a medieval prayer service with friends. It’s opening a coffee shop for struggling veterans. It’s listening to a loved one’s story. It’s taking care of a plant. These may be humble acts on their own. But taken together, they light up the world.”
If you are struggling to find purpose or direction in your life, adult therapy can help. Contact us today to learn more.