If Your Wedding is Postponed Due to COVID, then Consider Couples Counseling

WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S.

NATIONALLY CERTIFIED COUNSELOR

LPC-INTERN

I have given 2020 many names, but my latest is “a year of reflection.”  We have found ways to navigate what originally seemed like impossible circumstances.  We have dealt with overwhelming emotions and goals that were not forecasted in our New Year’s resolutions.  While it is important to grieve the loss of so many experiences that were unable to continue, it is also helpful to use this time as an opportunity to reflect and grow. 

Couples that have had to postpone or significantly change the plans for their weddings are heavy on my heart.  I have had many friends and family members try to still make their summer weddings work.  They considered face masks, no dance floors, outdoor settings, and a smaller guest list.  Planning remained difficult when considering those needing to travel far distances to attend.  Many guests would need to make a tough decision between prioritizing their loved ones and prioritizing their own health and safety.  For this reason, most are postponing until 2021 and crossing their fingers for a better situation at that time.

A significant part of my work is with couples.  Throughout this pandemic, I have seen many premarital clients extend their time in counseling because they are facing new challenges that were not in the marriage handbook that they thought they had mastered.  Budgeting has new meaning when one partner loses their job and physical intimacy is becoming harder for those lacking energy for anything other than coping right now. 

If you have thought about premarital counseling in the past but were deficient in time, now is your opportunity.  Many couples therapists are offering telehealth sessions, so you don’t even have to leave your comfy couch at home.  You can make a soothing drink, kick up your feet, and allocate some time to talk about one of your (hopefully) biggest priorities, your marriage.  To mitigate apprehension and help you plan, I have outlined some of the common topics discussed in premarital work.  Most therapists will also offer free phone consultations to answer any preliminary questions prior to entering the counseling space.  

Premarital counseling often includes, but is definitely not limited to discussing: 

·      Relationship history

·      Pace of relationship        

·      Unresolved past relationships

·      Trust and commitment

·      Spirituality

·      Monogamy versus non-monogamy

·      Sex anticipations

·      Future traveling plans

·      Childhood experiences

·      Family planning

·      Views on discipline

·      Future education for children

·      Expectations for pets

·      Financial debt

·      Saving and spending goals

·      Conflict management

·      Communication skills

·      Tools for compromising

·      Boundary setting

·      Cultivating rituals of connection

·      Roles of friends and family

·      Hobbies and dreams

·      Beliefs on infidelity

·      Promoting relationship security

·      Personality similarities and differences

·      Wedding planning

·      Maintaining fun and adventure

Like all other goals, it is imperative to plan for the success of your marriage.  Since no two relationships are exactly alike, I take an individualized approach and create a unique curriculum to meet clients’ specific backgrounds and needs.  Premarital counseling can sometimes include sensitive discussions, but you will have an extensively trained, non-biased therapist there to help you effectively communicate your needs and expectations.  This work can also be a lot of fun; I have had couples turn their sessions into date nights where they reflect and process thoughts over dinner afterwards.  With evening and virtual options available today, premarital counseling is extremely convenient.  It is also becoming more important than ever before; think of it as a gift to your relationship that outshines a lot of those other items on your registry.  What are you waiting for? Contact Heights Family Counseling today to set up a free consultation.