Teens and Video Games: Addiction or Connection?
Written by Tyler Neely, M.S
Is how much time my teen plays video games a problem? Should I limit how long my kids have access to their XBOX? Do I need to buy them a top gaming PC? Is my son addicted to video games? Why are kids these days so obsessed with gaming?
Questions like these are common among parents of the 2020 teen. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. As is the case with every new generation, the divide in experience of childhood between child and parent is vast. Due to the rapid advancement and spread of technology within the past 20 years, the lives of young people today are defined by technology in ways that their parents just can’t relate to. Even the parent who had a computer growing up remembers a time when they didn’t have a cell phone or a computer of their own, but many teens today don’t. From an early age, phones, watches, tablets, tv’s, laptops, and even refrigerators that connect to the internet have inundated the lives of Gen Z kids. That is just the world that they know.
When today’s kids are brought up with universal technology, their natural comfort with using technology for more and more parts of their lives grows compared to the prior generations. While my grandfather struggles to send a simple text message, my mom is obsessed with her Apple Watch. While my mom loves playing board games, she cannot grasp how to work the controllers and make a video game character move in a straight line. While I grew up with Pokémon and trying to “catch ‘em all,” I will never be interested in watching someone else play video games on YouTube – and today’s teens can do so for hours. Each generation comes with greater comfort with newer uses for technology in our daily lives. As adults who care about today’s youth, it is important that we remember what it was like when we were kids doing things that our parents didn’t understand.
Why Online Gaming?
Evidence of humanity using games as a way to connect with other people dates back as far as 5,000 years ago with the Ancient Egyptian game of Senet.[i] Since then, cultures across the globe have been creating new games and ways to play them, including sports, tv game shows, and now video games, to find new and entertaining ways to spend time engaging with other people.
Online gaming allows people of all ages to connect with new people and just have some fun! There are all types of games with all types of goals/gameplay. Some games are racing focused like Mario Kart or Forza, sports focused like Madden or 2K, combat focused like Call of Duty or Fortnite, team mystery solving focused like Among Us, to even just relaxing on an island catching fish and planting flowers like in Animal Crossing. Modern gaming looks extremely different from the early days of video games, and even more different form the days where the board game reigned supreme. Just because it is different does not mean that it is inherently bad.
Social Connection
Online gaming provides a safe space for today’s teens to connect with their friends. If you ask teens why they spend so much time gaming, most will say it is because they just love the social connection with friends and meeting new friends. In a world where people are dependent upon technology for connection, it is difficult to break out and meet new friends when people aren’t looking for that out in the “real world.” But while gaming, people are able to bond over similar interest, they are able to work together as a team, develop shared pride and purpose (even if just for the mission of the game), and can develop true friendships. Many young people today are making new friends online that become friends that they hang out with outside of video games.
In a world with COVID-19 and needs for social distancing, online gaming allows for teens to have a social life, even if their school isn’t meeting in person or if their friend group can’t all go out to a football game together or hit up Whataburger. While many adults are experiencing immense loneliness and isolation during this crazy year of uncertainty and total life change, our young people are adapting and still finding ways to connect through gaming.
Video Game Addiction?
I have heard countless parents worried that their child is addicted to video games. Parents are frequently struggling to figure out if they need to take away video game privileges, limit gaming time, or cut it out altogether. While I would love to give you the one-size-fits-all answer for how to handle your child’s video game use, but there is no such answer. Every child is different and how they relate to video games can be very different from their friends. As parents, you know your children best, so let’s explore ways you can understand whether your child’s relationship with video games is potentially problematic.
Video Game Addiction or Internet Gaming Disorder is a condition that is still in preliminary research and much is still to be discovered. However, preliminary research has helped start to explain the distinct differences from frequent gaming and problematic gaming. Research has shown that player engagement—an intense interest in playing games—is different from addiction and maladaptive playing styles.[ii] Current research understanding believes that the concern is not around how much someone games, but why they are gaming.
Is your child gaming because it is fun? Is your child gaming because they like spending time with their friends?
Gaming for pleasure, enjoyment, and social connection are less likely to lead to addictive behaviors.
Is your child gaming because they are overly stressed with their responsibilities and need an escape? Is your child depressed and lonely and using games to compensate? Is gaming the only way your child feels at peace?
When using games as coping mechanisms for psychological distress, we are much more likely to develop problematic, addictive gaming behavior.
So… What Do I Do?
TALK TO YOUR TEEN! Parent’s often act before engaging with their teen. Check-in with them. Get to know what games they play, why they play them, and see if they would be willing to show you what it is like to play. Make sure that you are not doing this as a way to control what they play, but rather because you are actually interested in what your kids are interested in. Ask them about why gaming is so enjoyable for them. Try to understand if they game because of social reasons or coping reasons.
- If they are using games for coping reasons, taking the games away immediately would leave them without any of their coping strategies and could be dangerous for their mental health. Consider getting them in to see a therapist to learn ways to cope with emotions and stress and to help them process whatever is hurting them. Try to help them find other ways to cope and heal with whatever is troubling them. Once they learn other ways to cope with their emotions and hurts, teach them about healthy game use and helping them set boundaries around use that allow them to get their responsibilities done and still connect with their friends.
- If they are not using games for coping reasons, but you see that the amount of time gaming is getting in the way of other important life responsibilities and interests, consider working with them to establish boundaries around their gaming that they can agree with. Work together to find ways that they can get homework and chores done, as well as engage with the family, and still have time to game with their friends if they want to. If they understand why you are setting boundaries, they are more likely to follow them.
If you think your teen could benefit from addiction and escapism counseling, contact our office.
SERVICES TYLER OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Ty offers a variety of mental health services for teens, adults, and couples at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. His mental health services include: adult therapy, Tween and Teen Counseling, life transitions, couples therapy, work burnout, LGBTQ Friendly Therapy, depression treatment, and anxiety treatment. He also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office or visit Ty Neely's Bio.
[i] Piccione, Peter A. “In Search of the Meaning of Senet.” Peter A. Piccione, University of Waterloo: Elliott Avedon Museum & Archive of Games, 6 July 2007, web.archive.org/web/20080918080211/www.gamesmuseum.uwaterloo.ca/Archives/Piccione/index.html.
[ii] Plante, Courtney N, et al. “Video Games as Coping Mechanisms in the Etiology of Video Game Addiction.” Psychology of Popular Media Culture, vol. 8, no. 4, 2019, pp. 385–394.