Love Languages for Kids
Written by Michele Kamerman, M.A., LPC, RPT
Registered Play therapist
Love Languages for Kids
Some adults may know of the five love languages in relation to their partner: acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. It’s helpful to understand how one expresses love to another. Did you know that love languages are also helpful in parenting? In my work with parents, I often have parents identify what their child’s love language is, so their child’s need for love is met. When a child feels love, then they feel healthy and emotionally stable.
What are the different types of love languages and their meaning?
Acts of service: children prefer a task to be done for them, maybe one that they have been avoiding. This could show proof of love that you want to make life easier for them.
Words of affirmation: children who prefer this love language love compliments and to be built up with words. These children may need encouragement and reassurance.
Physical touch: children love touch, hugs, kisses, and cuddles as a way of showing love.
Quality time: children who prefer this love language want uninterrupted time spent with you whether at home or out and about.
Receiving gifts: these children feel love when they are given something.
As a parent, what are examples of how to display each love language?
Acts of service:
· Packing your child’s lunch
· Doing a chore for your child
· Working on a school project together
· Using phrases such as “I’ll help.”
Words of affirmation:
· Using words of encouragement and praise
· Praising your child in front of others
· Saying “I love you” often
· Including notes in their school bags
Physical touch:
· Cuddle while reading or watching a movie
· Hugs and kisses daily
· Holding their hand
· May enjoy a weighted blanket or be wrapped up in a blanket to feel grounded
Quality time:
· Spending one-on-one time together such as running errands or a parent/child date
· Eating dinner as a family
· Play together or watch your child play
· Read together
Receiving gifts:
· Give a thoughtful gift on a normal day
· Make your child’s favorite treat
· Finding small items outside like a flower to give to your child
· Appreciate the gifts your child gives you
· Bring back a gift when you are out of town
How can I use my child’s love language in parenting?
If you are noticing that your child is acting out more than usual or has different behavior, they could be experiencing something that is difficult for them to express. Though you may not understand what the cause is, what can help them is getting their “love cup” filled. When you know what their love language is, you can focus on expressing love to them in that way. This will help them feel more emotionally stable.
Another way to use love languages in parenting is rewarding. Of course, you don’t want your child to feel like getting your love is a reward they have to earn, but it is helpful to know what motivates your child. For example, if you set up a reward system with your child working towards a toy they don’t care too much about, then you won’t find them interested in the reward system. If this child is more motivated by quality time, then they can work towards an ice cream date with you or a trip to the park. If your child is motivated by toys, then maybe having a treasure box they can choose from could be most incentivizing.
How do I find out what my child’s love language is?
To find out what your child’s love language is, you can take a quiz online for your child or with your child.
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
If your child is 8 years old or younger, you may not be able to take the quiz due to age and development limitations. If that’s the case, the book, The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell is very informative and can help you understand how to find your child’s love language.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Michele offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include child counseling, play therapy, depression treatment, and anxiety treatment. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.