Assumptions of Motherhood

Written by Kathleen Cogan, M.A., LPC
Perinatal & Postpartum Therapy Specialist

Making the decision to become a parent can be exhilarating and a journey filled with joy. However, now more than ever parents, particularly mothers and birthing folx, face assumptions of motherhood/parenthood that masquerade as truths.

These assumptions are fueled, in part, by social media, which generally propagates cultural and family messages. What's concerning about certain messages is that they are myths.  What you see on social media from friends, family and celebrities is curated and is only a snapshot into someone’s life. It’s also a hotbed of comparing, which is never helpful because you are unique and your journey to becoming a mother is equally unique.

Understanding your implicit or explicit assumptions of motherhood is important to preventing a wide range of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression and anxiety. Below are three assumptions to consider. De-mything and re-evaluating these assumptions will help prepare you and your partner for parenthood, particularly in the days and weeks after the baby is born.

MYTH NUMBER 1

Being a mother is instinctual

This is something I frequently talk to my clients about. When faced with self-doubt and self-criticism I ask, How can you know all about something that you are doing for the first time? And even if you have multiple children, every baby is different. While my hope is that this question is disarming and breaks up the never-helpful critical voice, it’s meant to set the stage for my clients to engage in a larger dialog. Is motherhood instinctual? Knowing what your baby’s cries mean, how they like to be fed, burped and lulled to sleep are rangy, because again, every baby is different.  All folx learn to become a mother. Even writing that feels good- takes some of the pressure of, right?

MYTH NUMBER 2

Good mothers don’t take breaks

This one couldn’t be more wrong. To take care of baby your needs have to be met. Adequate rest, nutrition, and movement are critical to this.  Only you know what you need. And here’s the thing, everyone’s needs are different. What you need to feel rested and restored is going to be different from your friends. So take inventory, what restores you the most? Is it a walk outside? A chat with a good friend? Perhaps a shower? Whatever it is, make sure to incorporate this into your daily routine after the baby comes home.

MYTH NUMBER 3

I won’t need anyone. I’ve got this!

We are hardwired for connection, which means we need others. Period. No one does anything alone. Motherhood is no expectation. In fact, it's such a big job that two people aren’t enough. When you ask others for help, you are also giving them an opportunity to connect with you in a meaningful way. Your people want to help and connect with you during this time.  Your friends and family want to give. But often we have to ask.

Truly, all these assumptions are harmful. They can lead to a plethora of postpartum issues, from depression, anxiety, and even psychosis.  One of the best ways to prevent perinatal mood and anxiety disorders? Take care of yourself. Period.

Consider Therapy:

If you are looking for meaning in your life, therapy is a great way to heal and discover values and purpose. A skilled therapist can help you find meaning, purpose, improve mood, and achieve goals. At Heights Family Counseling, we offer online and in-person postpartum and perinatal counseling. So, you feel comfortable receiving services during the pandemic. You can work with a therapist from the comfort of your surroundings at a time that works well for you.

Begin Counseling in Houston, TX or San Antonio, TX: 

Our team of skilled therapists is passionate about helping you build the life you want. We are value-driven and help people navigate life to make sense of their stories. Together, we ensure they are creating meaning and purpose in their lives. We would love to work with you. Follow these steps to begin counseling in Houston, TX, or online therapy in Texas:

1.    Contact our counseling clinic to set up a free phone consultation

2.    Meet with one of our  therapists

3.    Begin counseling