Busyness is a Form of Escapism
Written by Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPA, LPC-S
Owner of Heights Family Counseling
My nightly habit after work involves almost always working-out once the kids go to bed, and then pulling out the laptop for round 2 of work. There is usually something extra I need to do- case notes, prepare for sessions the next day, return emails, do a school assignment, etc. However, sometimes there isn’t even a need, it is a drive or compulsion. The compulsion to not relax, to be productive, and to keep moving. I’ve been working on this habit, and it’s been interesting because I work with so many high achievers who mirror this need for productivity. I started researching the habit of busyness and looked to the Enneagram, high functioning anxiety, interpersonal family systems model, and trauma. I started to dive deep into the research to really be able to serve my clients. As I researched, these quotes started to inspire my knowledge of busyness.
“Busyness is a form of escapism”- created by yours truly
“Busyness is a trauma response.”- Viral Social Media
“You will never feel truly satisfied by work until you are satisfied by life.”- Heather Schuck
“I do not want to suggest that productivity is wrong or needs to be despised. On the contrary, productivity and success can greatly enhance our lives. But when our value as a human beings depends on what we make with our hands and minds, we become victims of the fear tactics of our world. When productivity is our main way of overcoming self-doubt, we are extremely vulnerable to rejection and criticism and prone to inner anxiety and depression. Productivity can never give the deep sense of belonging we crave. The more we produce, the more we realize that successes and results cannot give us the experience of at homeness. In fact, our productivity often reveals to us that we are driven by fear. In the sense, sterility and productivity are the same: both can be signs that we doubt our ability to live fruitful lives-“ H.J.M Nouwen
“Sometimes, the most productive thing that you can do is to step outside and do nothing... relax and enjoy nature.”- Melanie Charlene
“Existential anxiety tells us that, ‘If I achieve, I add value; therefore I am valuable. It is lying”- Me again
“Many people are taught at a young age they are more lovable when they achieve. These children turn into workaholic adults who have difficulty knowing their own worth and accepting unconditional love.”- Me once more
All these quotes allowed me to know one thing, there are a multitude of reasons for busyness. However, one thing remains clear, busyness is a form of escapism that is applauded for in the United States. It’s a clear sign that something isn’t balanced and instead of checking-in on someone’s well-being, we as a culture tend to praise it and compliment how much someone is doing. The fact is, it’s hard to be fully present in the moment, when 90 percent of your brain energy is spent chasing dreams in the future.
Busyness also is a defense mechanism to avoid feeling anxiety. Many high achieving individuals with anxiety, ignore their anxiety by moving and being productive. They have a moment of reprieve when they are able to accomplish something, but it briefly alleviates a symptom and ignores the core problem- anxiety. By overworking and not working on the anxiety, the high achieving individual becomes more anxious, and thus throws themselves into more work searching for any moment of reprieve. It’s the anxiety cycle but in the form of productivity not avoidance.
It’s hard to not look into our childhoods when we start the process of self-discovery and growth. Many adults chasing busyness had childhoods where they chased love and acceptance. Many people are taught at a young age they are more lovable when they achieve. These children turn into workaholic adults who have difficulty knowing their own worth and accepting unconditional love. Maybe as a child you felt like nothing was ever good enough- earn an A, you should have gotten an A+. Make the basketball team, you should have made varsity. A core belief becomes, in order to feel love and acceptance, I need to produce. My self-worth is dependent on what I can produce. This core belief is a lie.
Lastly, research tells us that busyness can also be a result of trauma. We already know that busyness is a form of escapism. Escapism is another word for making yourself emotionally numb. Many individuals who have suffered a trauma have difficulty coping with the flashbacks and intense emotional pain. For them, busyness can be a healthier alternative to other escapism activities. However, it can also be a sign to work on the trauma through specific counseling.
Overall, no matter how much society celebrates the scrappy go-getter with grit, I’m sending a gentle reminder that it is okay to slow down. Many of us Type 3s on the Enneagram, have the personality type to achieve and accomplish. Quite simply, we were born with this drive. However, there becomes a point for everyone that it becomes dysfunctional. There needs to be a balance to the busyness or the anxiety will increase, emotions will not be processed, and stress will soar. You can read how to help with stress management burnout on a recent article here https://www.theravive.com/today/post/movement-the-key-to-unlocking-chronic-stress-0003518.aspx
And read what my colleague, Steff Brand, has to say about burnout here: https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/blog/2019/8/10/burnout
If you think you are using busyness as a form of escapism, contact us to see how addiction and escapism counseling could help you.