Date Your Spouse
Written by Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPA, LPC-S
Owner of Heights Family Counseling
When starting the couples counseling process with me, you’ll probably hear me ask about dating your spouse or partner. I 100 percent believe that you should never stop dating your spouse or partner. This is even more true after having children because the time together becomes scarcer. Subsequently, intentionality becomes even more important. According to research, we need at least 5.5 hours of quality time with our partner for a successful relationship- Research guru, John Gottman, PhD, calls this the Magic 6. This can be broken up into small things often like a hug and a kiss before parting, chatting before bed, or checking-in with each other midday. A great way to get in those extra hours is a weekly date night. This is a great ritual to add to your relationship to add romance and connection. Below are some ideas in the Houston area for connection and fun with your spouse!
1. A playful date night is one of my all-time favorite things to do with my spouse. It’s fun and playful. Plus, research shows that for most couples, a marriage satisfaction dip occurs after having kids. The one thing that couples can do to prevent this dip is PLAY together. Some of my favorite places around town include Loft 18 Interactive Sports Bar, Top Golf, or even bowling. If you are really feeling adventurous, you could try the indoor skydiving at iFLY for some more adventure and thrill in your relationship!
2. I am a sucker for the wine and painting places. You can laugh, watch each other stress over your creation, and talk while making something memorable to take home. It’s a fun time and you can really watch how your partner takes on a project. This is a great time to be encouraging to each other!
3. Go to a restaurant. Not just any restaurant but one of those really hard to get into restaurants. One of the things I hear often in the counseling room, is that a person doesn’t just want their partner to go on a date with them, they want to see that the partner took the time to think about the date and set it up. Look at the menu ahead of time, so you can recommend wines or different entrees. Show that you really took the time to plan the night!
4. Visit a museum. Houston is full of museums. Go look at art together, or the natural museum of science. This leads to quality time and great conversation. You can learn more about your partner’s tastes and interests.
5. Enjoy a day or night of intimate conversation. You don’t need to spend a fortune to have a great time. According to research, we know that having knowledge of our partner’s life experiences and day to day moments- these are called love maps- is part of a successful relationship. Download the Gottman Card Deck, and have a picnic or time somewhere to dive into meaningful conversations. Another favorite of mine is the book: Questions for Couples : 469 Thought-Provoking Conversation Starters for Connecting, Building Trust, and Rekindling Intimacy. Purchase it and spend some time asking and engaging in meaningful conversation.
6. Cook for your partner. What a great way to show love through the Love Language of Acts of Service, as well as Quality Time. Put on some music, light some candles, and work as a team to prepare a meal you both can enjoy.
7. Go to a comedy show. Couples who laugh together stay together. Houston has some great live comedy. While many couples love dinner and a movie, I love LIVE performances. It feels more connecting for me.
Go ahead and schedule a weekly or biweekly date night. This is a great time to get a babysitter or family member lined up, so you know that time is dedicated just for the two of you. The first date can be planning the rest of the dates. Think about your love languages and connection that can be had when planning your next time together.
I’m rooting for all of you to get your Magic 6 in each week!
If you have any questions or would like to set up an appointment for couples therapy, visit out contact page.