Making the decision to become a parent can be exhilarating and a journey filled with joy. However, now more than ever parents, particularly mothers and birthing folx, face assumptions of motherhood/parenthood that masquerade as truths.
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I’m not sure how far into motherhood I was when I first heard the term, “A mother is born.” To be honest, my experience into motherhood didn’t feel like I was born. While I was more in love with my baby than I thought was ever possible, it still felt more like something in me was lost- it felt more like a death than birth. The more I work with new mothers and now being almost a decade into the motherhood journey, I have some understanding of this experience.
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You did it, momma. You carried this little life for 9 months, went to countless appointments, and labored for hours (or not if you’re one of the lucky ones) and now you are holding a little one in your arms. Many people will give you all the advice about how to care for baby and what to do once they are here, but often don’t tell you how to care for yourself once baby is here. The moment that little one arrives, your hold world becomes about them and it is easy for you to forget to care for yourself. Sometimes, it’s not that you don’t want to, but truly feel like you are unable to.
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The steps seem so easy in this all too familiar playground song. We were taught at a young age that after you fall in love, you get married, then you have children… And then everyone lives happily ever after. We now know that relationships and love can come in many different forms and don’t always follow this simple childhood song; however, many still continue to believe in the fairytale of what we think life will look like after having a baby. For many, they believe their relationship will grow stronger, they will feel more in love, and live blissfully ever after when starting a family.
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