Healthy Boundary Setting During the Holidays

Written by Brittany Barnes, M.A., Certified Sex Therapist- Candidate

Countdown to Thanksgiving has officially begun- which means potential holiday stress on the rise.  During the holiday time I find myself hoping I will finally set aside time for myself and decompress, however if I am being honest… I rarely do.  Every year I look forward to having designated self-care time but tend to not keep those boundaries for myself.  It can be easy to push off that much-needed time because there is just so much to do during the holiday.  Knowing and asserting our boundaries can be difficult.  I find there can be fear and anxiety associated with asserting our boundaries because we worry about the “what ifs” happening due to those boundaries now being set in place.  What if they get mad at me? What if they don’t like me anymore?  What if they hurt my feelings? What if I mess up?  The thing is- you are worth setting your boundaries.  Our health and happiness are worth saying “no” to the things that make us uncomfortable, that make us stressed and that burn us out. Here are some tips on how to set boundaries during the holidays.

So, what does it mean to set boundaries? Setting boundaries is knowing our limits.  It is okay and healthy to have limits.  Identify what some of your limits are during this time of the year and write them down.  It can be helpful to list out our limits, as it can help us to utilize assertiveness during the limit setting process with friends, family, work but most importantly- ourselves.  Writing and reading our thoughts on paper can help us to feel more organized and centered in our boundary setting.  We may have various limits for different situations and relationships.  It can be helpful for us to identify what is acceptable and what isn’t to our mental health, in order to alleviate feeling stuck or burnt out in a situation.  There is no right or wrong with knowing what our limits are.  Knowing our limits helps us to specify which situations may empty or refill our (holiday) cup.  Practicing boundaries during the holidays is also knowing what our values are.  Identifying what is most, somewhat and least valuable to us can help us navigate through our limit setting.   It is also important to listen and accept the emotions we are experiencing during this time of the year.  The holidays can be a difficult season and avoiding emotions can increase the stress. Gently remind yourself that it is okay to not be okay.  When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed with the worries of implementing boundaries during the holiday- practice utilizing positive support (verbalize how you are genuinely feeling), exercise deep breathing (find a grounding technique that works for you) and ultimately allow yourself to be assertive and say “no” to the situations that will burn you out (because YOU are worth it).

 If you are struggling to set boundaries, contact us for a free consultation for counseling for life transitions.