Helping Children Cope With Grief
Written by Michele Kamerman, LPC, RPT
It was 20 years ago this month that my grandfather passed away. This was my first experience with death and the dying process. I was 12 years old, and I still remember the feelings I felt to the news that he passed away… extreme sadness, shock, anger, worry, confusion, etc. Those are a lot of feelings for any child to experience all at once. Often children struggle to express themselves when they have such big feelings. They may hold it in and internalize, but eventually may struggle to keep their feelings contained and then let it out all at once. Other children may have more outbursts and struggle with emotional regulation. Either way, grief is a tough subject for anyone at any age, but especially for children who are trying to comprehend what it is.
What Can Parents Do?
It’s helpful to explain death to your child the best you can, but also keep in mind where they are developmentally. Basic answers such as “their body stopped working” can be beneficial in helping younger children understand death. It’s ok to say that you don’t have the words to help them feel better. Instead, give them a hug and listen to them.
Read books about grief and loss with your child
When you don’t have the words, there are many children’s books that focus on grief that could help a child better understand. Some great books are The Invisible String, Where Are You?: A Child’s Book about Loss, The Memory Box: A Book About Grief, and many more.
Answer their Questions about death
Children may have a ton of questions about death and grief, and that is normal. That does not mean you need to have all the answers. Allowing your child to ask questions and you listening to them can help them heal. This provides them a sense of safety that they can ask and share their feelings with you.
Validate their Feelings surrounding their frief
It may be helpful to explain to your child that they may have lots of feelings all at once. This is normal. As developmentally appropriate, talking about the stages of grief can also help your child to understand that it’s ok to feel angry or sad when grieving. When a parent names the feeling for the child, the child is able to better explain what is on their mind rather than acting out their feelings. While it’s ok to feel mixed emotions, it’s still important to maintain boundaries. If your child is yelling at you, it’s appropriate to say, “I understand you are feeling angry right now, but it’s still not ok for you to talk to me like that. What’s a different way you can let me know you are feeling angry?” You can encourage them to talk about it, draw, write, or bike outside as healthy alternatives.
Do an activity to help them through their grief and loss
An activity such as creating a book or a treasure box can be a healing activity for your child. This can help your child process their grief and help them think of positive memories of their loved one. It teaches them that they can still feel happy even though their loved one isn’t here anymore. Their emotions may flow more easily with an activity, which can lead to more healing.
Final Thoughts on Helping Your Child Through Grief and Loss
Grief is never an easy subject, but it’s an important one to teach your child. When a parent validates their feelings, supports them, and listens to their thoughts and feelings, your child is able to start their healing process.
Going to grief counseling is a great way to support your child through their loss. A child therapist has a wide variety of skills in their toolbox to help children process the loss they’ve experienced in a developmentally appropriate way. If your child is struggling with big challenging emotions, they can help them learn coping techniques to cope. Child therapy will help them deal with the thoughts, memories, or other things in their environment that are triggering their behavioral and emotional outburst.
Begin Child Therapy in Houston, TX
Don’t wait to talk to a child therapist if you notice your child struggling. Especially when they’re struggling with grief. To begin counseling in Houston, TX or online therapy in Texas, follow these steps:
Contact our counseling clinic to set up a free phone consultation,
Meet with one of our child therapists,
Begin child counseling and help your child heal.
About the Author:
Michele offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, depression treatment, and anxiety treatment. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.