How are you coping? A Mental Wellness Check-in

 Written by Michele Dial, LPC

Raise your hand if you are feeling frayed. Fatigued. Restless. Edgy. Gloomy. As we continue along the path of living our lives mostly at home, the signs of wear are showing up in therapy. In addition to the “usual” anxious and depressed experiences, we are hearing words like “unsettled,” “lazy,” “unmotivated” and “disconnected.” Even the folks who were initially quite comfortable with the separateness and social shelter of stay-home orders are starting to feel the impact.

In the midst of a gradual re-opening, many are staying home as much as they have in recent months, fearing a spike in COVID cases with expanded exposure. Those taking advantage of newfound freedom may being doing so with trepidation. The ongoing uncertainty around the development of the virus, as well as potential treatments and vaccines perpetuates an open-endedness to this experience that is taking its toll.

During this unprecedented time, there’s a lot of personal reflection going on. Some are actively engaging in it; some or not, but we are learning about ourselves nonetheless as new pieces of us emerge. It seems that when most of the external factors that impact our lives are stripped away, we are left with ourselves and our immediate surroundings, a setup that lends itself to introspection whether we’re looking for it or not.

Here are some interesting experiences that are popping up.

The Vacation Effect

I have noticed that whenever I visit my parents or go on vacation, my entire body exhales and I tend to sleep more than usual, including naps and longer overnight sleep. Ever happen to you? Is it happening now? The vacation effect is by no means a scientific concept, at least not to my knowledge. My basis for this phenomenon is purely anecdotal (meaning, it comes from personal experiences, both mine and others who tell me their stories). As I talk with my clients, I’m hearing some of them say that they are sleeping longer hours, napping, and generally feeling lazy. I have a different theory – maybe instead of lazy, you are relaxed. Maybe your body is able to exhale and rest for a change.

The equation goes something like this: reduced stimuli + reduced stress = reduced energy and increased relaxation.

Much like a weekend getaway, if you’ve recently gone from working in a setting outside your home to doing your job from a home office, the change of environment may have reduced or eliminated a lot of stimuli and a lot of stress from your daily routine. No commute, no colleagues popping in, fewer impromptu meetings, and so on. It’s not surprising that your mind and body are taking advantage of the opportunity to slow down and rest up. If you’re feeling a little less driven and little more inclined to take it easy while working from home, try to give yourself some grace for a lower activity level and use this time to restore and recharge.

The (Less Than) 8-Hour Workday

Are you finding it hard to stay focused and work a solid eight hours a day now that you’re working from home? Are you being hard on yourself about it? It turns out that being present in an office for around eight to nine hours a day does not equal working eight hours.

Research shows that over the course of a typical 8-hour workday, the average office employee is actively producing work product about three of those hours – that’s right, 3 hours. In addition to work-related tasks, office employees often spend the workday doing a host of other things, like snacking, making coffee, chatting with colleagues about non-work topics, reading the news, scanning social media, engaging in personal phone calls/texts/emails, and even looking for a new job.

Some days are more demanding than others, some projects more engaging, so there are times when productivity is way up. But if you’re noticing that you’re only netting a few solid hours each day while working from home, know that you’re not alone. And likely not that far off from your usual productivity.

When you’re not in your office for a full day, it may have become more apparent what you day actually consists of. Now, the distractions may look like dishes and laundry, walking the dog, or a midday workout. Instead of watching the clock and judging yourself by that measure alone, try comparing your current work product with your average output while in the office, or line up your company’s expectations with your productivity. You may find that you’re right on target, or perhaps even more productive without all the office distractions.

The Never-ending Workday

Another challenge we’re seeing is intensely loooong workdays. Some people find that they are working more than ever, often from the time they get up straight through to bedtime. There are a few reasons for this extended work period. For some, the commute to and from work, no matter how long or short, is a clear delineation between the work mindset and the home mindset. Converging work with home blurs the lines between the two mentalities, making it hard to turn off work and shift into home / family / personal time.

Absent the commute, we can still create that space between work and home that can help us maintain some boundaries. WFH veterans know the importance of clearly defined spaces and hours of operation. When possible, set up a designated workspace, no matter the size or location, that is used exclusively for work and choose a work schedule that makes sense for your current reality. When it’s time to leave “the office,” close the laptop, the door, the curtain . . . whatever the divider, to designate the end of the workday. Since you won’t be going far to get home, consider creating a “commute” by taking 15 minutes or so of transition time before joining your family in the next room. Try listening to some music, stretching, catching up on the news, reading a book, or making some notes about what you want to accomplish tomorrow so that you can clear your mind and leave your work out of your personal time as much as possible.

Another reason some folks are overworking themselves during this challenging time is that they fear losing their job. The pressure to shine and “earn your keep” right now is a real and valid struggle for some. If it doesn’t feel safe to set clear boundaries with your work team and/or superiors right now, you can still find ways to fit in self-care on a smaller scale using the time you have.

For example, if you’re not comfortable ending your workday after eight hours, but you’re unhappy about letting work take precedence over family/personal time, try taking a break between 5:00 and 8:00 to spend time with your family. You can return your focus to work after dinner. If three hours seems impossible, maybe carve out an hour for dinner and putting the kids to bed. If it still feels like too much, try leaving your phone at home and taking a 15-minute neighborhood walk totally unplugged, alone or with family, to decompress. Even this small dose of relaxation can work wonders in restoring your soul. Other options include a 30-minute lunch with family; 5-10 minutes of stretching and/or meditation when you wake up and before bed; and 10-, 15- or 20-minute exercise routines available through various apps or on YouTube.

Change of Scenery = Change of Perspective

Essentially, it seems that this sudden shift in the landscape and rhythm of our typical workday is shedding a sometimes-glaring light on parts of us that seem foreign and uncomfortable. It’s challenging some of what we thought we knew or believed and pushing us to broaden our perspective. As we continue to navigate uncertainty and recalibrate moment to moment, let’s acknowledge we are living in unnatural circumstances and try to be gentle with ourselves and our people. And above all, let’s remember that this current reality is temporary. As with every other aspect of life, it is fleeting. This too shall pass, and when it does, we will have grown and learned and evolved.

 If you are struggling to cope, contact us to see how adult therapy can help.