Talking to Your Children About Race

Written by Michele Kamerman, LPC, RPT

            If you have not talked with your children about race, now is the time.  The topic can be sensitive, enlightening, and uncomfortable, but it is imperative to create a dialogue for the ones that will soon run this world, and hopefully, make it a more inclusive and peaceful one.  It may be difficult to know how to start the conversation.  Here’s how:

Start the Conversation, Don’t Avoid it.

            Children rely on their parent’s guidance on many topics, but especially this one.  It’s important for parents to educate their children on this topic. If they don’t learn about race from parents, they will learn about it on their own.  Research shows that even six-month-old babies notice different skin color, and by two years old they show racial bias.  Another study found that preschoolers started to use racist language to emotionally hurt peers and create social hierarchy.  It may feel easier to not talk about it, but it will only do a disservice to your little one.  It’s ok to be honest with your children about your possible level of discomfort while having the conversation.  It’s ok if you don’t know the exact words to say.  It’s much better to at least start the conversation than avoid it because it’s uncomfortable and unknown for you.  Hopefully with you having the conversation, this will help your children feel more comfortable with the topic.

Diversify Books, Toys, and Other Media

            Shout out to our therapist, Steff, who already created an amazing reading list for children addressing race.  The reading list is posted on our blog (https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/blog/2020/6/7/using-literature-to-initiate-conversations-about-race-with-kids), and it includes the age range for each book.  Introducing one of these books could be a great way to bring up the topic with your children, and it gives an opening for them to ask questions or express concerns.  It’s important to listen to your children, and then talk. When your child talks, it helps you understand their feelings and understandings on race.  It’s also helpful to include other ethnicities in your children’s doll collection, so your child becomes more acquainted with other races.  Playing with dolls is also a great way to start the conversation. Through play, you can observe how your child plays with the dolls, and you can also educate your child.

Teach Your Children to Speak Up

            Racial injustice is all around- on the news, in our community, at your child’s school, etc.  It’s imperative to teach your child to stand up for peers when they see racial injustice occur. If you have older kids, role-playing a scenario is a great way to practice how they would handle the situation.  It’s especially important for those with more privilege to help advocate for minorities when they see racism occur.  If your child has witnessed and been a part of racial injustice, it’s crucial for them to express their feelings and process what happened.  Give them a safe place to talk about it.

            If you or your child struggles with the topic, keep trying and have the conversation again and again. This is not a one time thing.  It’s important for this conversation to continue until they are no longer living under your roof.  You want to trust that the education and dialogue you have given them on race will continue to be ingrained in their mind even after they leave home.

If you think your child would benefit from child counseling, contact us today.