What to Do if You Need Something Different in Therapy

 Written by Ashley Tayor, M.S.W., LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

I can think of many situations where I thought to myself, “I wish this person could just read my mind.” That way, I am able to escape the responsibility of having to tell them myself because that feeling is not always the most desirable. How is this person going to respond to my request? Am I unreasonable for desiring whatever it is out of this relationship? Relationships that we would like to maintain require this sometimes uncomfortable exchange of feelings and ideas. Although it is sometimes hard to act upon, we have a vested interest in communicating our needs to whomever this relationship exists with. Whenever we fail to express feedback to someone about how something they have said or done makes us feel, we are not giving the other person a chance to be able to adjust in order to meet that need. 

I am sure that when you read that, you were thinking of romantic relationships, a friendship, or maybe the dynamic between you and a coworker. But what about the relationship you have come to build with your therapist?

The term relationship is simply defined as the way that two people are connected. A connection exists between therapist and client through the therapeutic alliance that gets built over time being spent in session, and the disclosure of things that sometimes, only the therapist knows; perks of client confidentiality! 

The reason that therapy is initially sought out can change over time, meaning our needs as individuals change too, just like they might change in a friendship or a romantic relationship. The relationship that exists between therapist and client is different from a friendship and (obviously) romantic relationships in many ways, but this is the part in which the relationships align; in any relationship, needs have to be communicated in order to generate meaningful change.  Even though your therapist is a trained and licensed mental health professional, your therapist is not a mind reader, no matter how much you have disclosed to them. 

I enjoy the idea that we don’t know what we don’t know, and I think that perfectly applies here! It makes me think about sitting down to Google something and just starring at the search bar, because… what am I looking for exactly? Until someone is made aware of something, how do they know that it’s something that they need to change? Unless we communicate to our therapists that our needs or desires have changed, they might not always be aware of the changes that need to be made.

Believe me, your therapist wants nothing more than to know exactly what you need every session. That is a highly desired result, in a perfect world, of course. I think most people enter their job field with high expectations of themselves, particularly in the field of mental health. If we aren’t showing up for our clients in the way they need, what is it that we’re actually doing? 

But… every client is different. Every client wants to get something different out of their experience in therapy. Some clients just need an open ear, while others would like to be given specific tools within a particular school of thought to help propel themselves in the direction they are trying to go. Someone can enter therapy with one treatment modality in mind, and over time, that desire changes. Someone else can enter therapy and have no idea what a school of thought or treatment modality means as it relates to mental health. We all start out in different spots. 

Much like any relationship that we experience as people, the relationship that we build with our therapist is an important one to maintain upkeep within as we continue to grow as individuals, inside and outside the therapeutic process. And believe it or not, your therapist is trying to grow too! 

If you're struggling with life issues, a skilled therapist can help support you. At Heights Family Counseling, we offer online and in-person adult therapy. So, you feel comfortable receiving services during the pandemic. You can work with a therapist from the comfort of your surroundings at a time that works well for you. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.