The 5 Love Languages and the Holidays
Written by Katie Mitchell, M.A., LPC, NCC, CST
Certified Sex Therapist
Y’all, Where. Has. This. Year. Gone? With only 5 weeks (I repeat – 5 WEEKS) left in this year and so many different holidays QUICKLY approaching, gifting ideas seem like a highly pertinent topic to discuss. This experience can cause so much stress and anxiety for people. Did I spend enough? Is the present meaningful enough? I don’t even know where to begin, so why start at all? All understandable -- but let’s take a deep breath and consider gift giving from a different angle! What about considering your partner’s love language(s) for gifting ideas? Let’s take some time to, first, figure out your partner’s (and your own) love language(s), and then discuss gifting options that might be helpful!
Have you and your partner taken the love language quiz, or discussed your love languages before? If not, this is the place to begin – let’s carve out some time to discover what those are! As a couple’s therapist, I find that this information can be a game changer for couples in how they conceptualize and provide affection to their partner; at the very least, it provides some helpful information you can both for future references (such as gifting ideas!). Heights Family Counseling’s own Michele Dial wrote a wonderful blog post earlier this year about each of the love languages – do yourself a favor and check that out here! In addition, here is the link to Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages Quiz. Aptly named, there are 5 love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
If you already know your partner’s love language(s) you can skip ahead – IF NOT -- I am giving you the exact same directions that I give to the couples I work with! TAKE THIS QUIZ TOGETHER – I cannot underline how much doing this together can change this experience. Often, I discuss this experience as being similar to someone telling you about a book, and you actually taking that time to read the book yourself. Taking the quiz together, will help you better understand the nuances of your partner’s and your own love language(s). As you each take the quizzes, be curious about your partner’s responses. What surprised you? What did you already know and guess accurately? Take a stance of inquisitiveness, not defensiveness or criticalness!
Below you will find a brief description of each of the love languages and then corresponding gift ideas!
Quality Time: Time spent doing something together!
- Tickets to a shared experience; like a concert, play, or art gallery.
- Spend time doing something new or out of ordinary together; dancing lessons, pottery classes, or going to get a pedicure together.
- Make a romantic dinner together for your partner!
- Make a picnic and take it on a hike or walk to the park.
Words of Affirmation: Any words of love and/or affirmation that you could verbally pour out on to your partner.
- A thoughtfully written card or letter to your partner.
- Create a playlist with a letter that describes why each of the songs reminds you of them or describes how you think/feel about them.
- Filling up a decorative jar with notes of the things that you appreciate and love about your partner.
Physical Touch: Physical affection and being in proximity or near your partner; this love language is separate from sexual touch.
- Coupons for hugs or other forms of physical affection. Take a look at these!
- Give them a massage at home!
- Go out dancing together or go with your partner to dance classes!
Acts of Service: The things or tasks that you can do for your partner that would take something off of their “plate.”
- Complete their chores for them! It might prove especially meaningful when considering time-consuming tasks like getting an oil change or spending the time to make appointments for them (if they are okay with this).
- Listen to the things that are currently stressing them out. Is there something that you are capable of helping with or that can be done to decrease their stress?
- Coupons for chores that need to be done around the house! Take a look at these!
- What about a spa day certificate, while you wrangle kids or other stressors?
Receiving Gifts: Items that are representative of your thought and care for a person. People will often think this is related to materialism, but it is not. The monetary value of the gift is not what is important; it is the thought of the gift and what it represents!
- Make a gift or craft something for you partner! There are so many websites (like Shutterfly and Etsy) that help to create meaningful gifts!
- Take the time to cook dinner for your partner.
These are only a few ideas! In reality, the sky is limit depending on how well you know your partner. As the holiday season approaches, it is easy to get wrapped up in to the commercialism of the season; however, money does not have to be the only deciding factor for a gift. Try considering your partner’s love language and how that might help to translate to a solid and meaningful gift idea.
If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, couples therapy can help. Contact us for a free consultation today.
https://www.hermoneymoves.com/budget-friendly-gifts-that-speak-your-partners-love-language/