Top 10 Reads of 2020

Written by Michele Dial, M.Ed., LPC

It’s that time again! I read and listened to some pretty powerful books in 2020, and I love sharing those that I found most impactful. Bibliotherapy is one of my favorite supplements to our work in therapy. There is so much research and wisdom out there that can deepen and enrich our work together. It’s impossible to cover it all in a weekly therapy session, and I wouldn’t want to anyway.

Perhaps my most important job as a therapist is to walk alongside you on this part of your life journey that feels too big or too confusing or too messy to walk alone. However, almost equally valuable is my responsibility to help empower you to take the reins and facilitate your own growth along the way, as well as when you decide to move on from therapy. That’s why I ask you to read, write, reflect, and explore between our sessions – so you can continue the journey between sessions; dig deeper into our conversations for broader perspective; and reinforce your ability to care for yourself as a way of life.

Get ready for some truth bombs and gut punches. But most of all, get ready to feel seen and heard, and wrapped in the warmth and comfort of feeling understood and empowered to conquer your world. Here we go – my top 10 favorite reads in 2020.

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy

I actually read this book in 2019, but totally forgot to include it in the blog last year. And believe me, it is worth including. This book is so simple and so enlightening at the same time. It’s about friendship, humanity, and kindness. It may look like a kid’s book, but like a good Disney movie with a brilliant life lesson, Mackesy’s wisdom is for people of all ages. Be sure to pay attention to the drawings – they tell as much of the story as the words.

Quotable: “Don’t measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated.”

Also Noteworthy: “One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.”

“Isn’t it odd we can only see our outsides, but nearly everything happens on the inside.”

Untamed by Glennon Doyle (The audiobook is phenomenal)

Untamed was a wild and exhilarating ride. I felt a huge range of emotions while reading this book – empowered, humbled, shaken up, held, convicted, loved, trusted, and enlightened. Glennon Doyle is a master storyteller with an extraordinary perspective on so many of our life struggles. She covers so much ground – sexuality, suffering, parenting, spirituality, racism, escapism, substance abuse and sobriety, shame, and expectations. She gets real, sharing some of her most personal and defining experiences with an air of defiance and grace for all.

Quotable: “I learned that I would never be free from pain, but I could be free of the fear of pain. … There is no glory except straight through your story. Pain is not tragic. Pain is magic. Suffering is tragic. Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming. … So, my goal is to stop abandoning myself and stay. To trust that I am strong enough to handle the pain that is necessary to the process of becoming.”

Also noteworthy (way too many!):

“Anything or anyone I could lose from telling the truth was never mine anyway. I am willing to lose anything that requires me to hide any part of myself to keep.”

“When a woman learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she is finally free to please herself.”

“She has her imagination to keep her soft and open. … to imagine her way into his shoes…. She is learning to bridge the gap between her experience and the experience of another.”

Relationship Reconnected by David Simonsen, PhD, LMFT

Simonsen, a police officer turned marriage and family therapist, explores and condenses the lessons of nonviolent communication in this little 98-page gem. The strategies in this book help us to build empathy for and connection with one another by developing awareness of what we are feeling and the values we want to live by, asking for what we need, and eliminating blame, judgment and domination. This quick read is a great jumpstart to breaking free of unhealthy patterns in our relationships.

Quotable: “We all want to be connected. We are in relationships to receive and provide love and care. Communicating that we are not getting love and care can be a challenge if we don’t have the skills or knowledge to be effective communicators.”

I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown

Austin Channing Brown shares her experiences growing up as a black woman in America, from why her parents chose her name through her challenging education and work experiences, and what it’s like to often be the only black person in the mix. It was humbling, and at times surprising, to read about how we may see ourselves as anti-racist and still sometimes say or do things that marginalize others. And stopping those hurtful things is just one part of anti-racism. Brown explains that creating true equality takes jumping in the fight and actively doing good by equally distributing power and authority to more diverse individuals.

Quotable: “Diversity and inclusion should not be confused with reconciliation. They tend to be about the numbers and percentages. … Reconciliation is giving power to the margins.”

Renovate Your Relationships by Scott Vaudrey, MD, MA

Renovate Your Relationships is one of two phenomenal boundaries books I read last year. I love that Vaudrey includes building bridges (accepting) and emphasize the importance of knowing when to build a bridge and when to set a boundary (protecting). He also reminds us that boundaries are not meant to reform or control other people. They are only meant to protect us from the adverse effects of the behaviors of others. 

Quotable: “The key to the problem of life is finding a perfect balance between accepting other people and protecting ourselves from destructive behavior.”

Also Noteworthy: “Remember your own capacity to disappoint and challenge. … When we wrong someone and their response to us is mostly accepting, we savor the feeling of grace received.”

Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free by Nancy Levin

This book is next-level boundary badassery, yall! Levin invites us into her personal battle with boundaries and empowers us to go forth and set our own . . . gently. Boundaries are not about confrontation or control; they are about knowing ourselves and our limits deeply, and deciding what we need and what we will do to take care of ourselves. Then she deftly outlines the key steps to setting and maintaining a healthy boundary so there’s no guesswork.

Quotable: “Abandoning myself for the sake of another is no longer a badge of honor or even an option in my life. Healthy selfishness is the antidote to self-abandonment. You don’t owe anyone self-abandonment, and no one deserving of your love will require that you abandon yourself in order to be loved.”

Also noteworthy: “I now assume that what’s best for me is what’s best for any relationship I am in. ...  If I step on my own boundaries for the sake of someone else, I know I will feel resentful. And I know that resentment will be more damaging to the relationship than a short-term discomfort of a boundary I will create.”

“I fully understand now that someone else’s reaction to my truth is not my responsibility to manage.”

This Is How It Always Is – A Novel by Laurie Frankel

This novel walks us through a family navigating the challenges of raising a transgender child. Despite this family’s unconditional love and acceptance, none of them were prepared for how their lives unfolded. This story is a beautiful journey that stretched and surprised me. It scared me and broke me and built me up again. And it truly warmed my soul.

Quotable: I didn’t take notes on this one; I just let the story take me on its journey.

Untangled by Lisa Damour, PhD

If you’re struggling to understand and connect with adolescent girls at home or at work, this book can be a game changer. Dr. Damour guides us through the emotional ups and downs of teendom (hello, laughing one minute, crying the next!) and the seven typical, transitional phases girls experience, so we have a better idea of what to expect and how to navigate it. She also walks us through the big stuff like sexuality and drugs. If we can make sense of what they’re going through, we can build stronger bonds and help them grow through this tricky and challenging time.

Quotable: “It’s not particularly pleasant for teens to be at odds with her parents, but it is often preferable to being at odds with themselves.”

Also Noteworthy: “The symptoms of depression in teenagers is rarely the same as symptoms of depression in adults. Instead of being sad and gloomy, teens are more likely to be irritable with most people most of the time.”

Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett, PhD

Yale professor and founder of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, Marc Brackett is a self- proclaimed “emotion scientist.” He has spent the better part of three decades studying emotions and the power they hold. Did you know that our emotions impact our physical health and ability to learn? Instead of letting emotions rule us or worse yet, stuffing them down, Brackett prescribes a proactive approach to feeling our way through emotions and using them for good (RULER).

Bonus: Marc and his team developed the Mood Meter app to help you identify and track your emotions and get to know yourself and your patterns better.

Quotable: “When you can understand and name your emotions, something magical happens. The mere fact of acknowledgment creates the ability to shift. When we don’t have the words for our feelings, we’re not just lacking descriptive flourish. We are lacking authorship of our own lives.”

Also noteworthy: “The only way to get to the meaning is to understand the why of the emotion. Behavior alone is a clue to the riddle, but not the answer.”

Get Out of Your Own Way by Dave Hollis

Dave Hollis, former Disney exec turned entrepreneur, has some brilliant insights to share about living your life with intention. He talks about how we view ourselves, how we short-sight ourselves, and how to overcome self-defeating behaviors and thought processes. While he’s not afraid to draw on the wisdom of others, his perspective is fresh, and I caught myself saying, “Wow, I never thought about it like that” more than a few times.

Quotable: “When we think we will finally get beyond the just OK version of ourselves only if this happens or that happens, we give all of our power to outside forces and surrender the possibilities of an exceptional life to the chance that it might happen. An exceptional life doesn’t just happen. It’s something that takes intentional work.”

Also noteworthy: “Unless you’re paying attention to it, the way you think may be leading you, rather than you leading the way you think.”

“It’s been said that whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Quality Work That Didn’t Make My Top 10

·       Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Ibram X Kendi & Jason Reynolds

·       The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron

·       The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the Heart of Conflict by The Arbinger Institute

·       Dare To Lead by Brene´ Brown

·       Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Héctor García and Francesc Miralles

·       Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

·       A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

SERVICES MICHELE OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING

Michele offers a variety of mental health services for adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, trauma treatment and EMDR, and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office or read her bio.