An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 2

WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP

If you are just starting this blog series and have not already identified your type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about type 1 too.  To recap, I will be explaining the 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality-specific self-care recommendations.  Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type.  If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work.  Understanding the different personality types will arm you with knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs.  It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs.  When trying to determine your enneagram type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you.  The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.    

In this blog, I will cover type 2…

Type 2: The Helper

Helpers are motivated to love and feel love deeply.  They make exceptional partners.  They crave validation and like to feel needed by others.  They are also often the empaths of the world and have superpowers that allow them to walk into a room and immediately sense what everyone needs.  They thrive when they are able to give up their own needs to help others.  While this sounds great, it also means that they often lose their own sense of identity in this pursuit.  They can really struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and boundary setting.  They crumble when they receive harsh criticism, but they continue to try to correct their behaviors.  In order to do so, they often neglect their own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. 

Self-Care Recommendations:

Self-affirm with the words, “I am wanted.”

Use self-reflective questions to differentiate your emotions from others’ emotions.  Try things like, “am I happy just because someone else is happy?” and “am I anxious just because another person is anxious?”

Say that special little word, “no.”  In doing so, notice how your value does not come from what you agreed or declined to do, but from your good intentions.    

Get creative with crafting or a DIY project.  Make something YOU like and do not ask for the opinion of others. 

Spend time with your closest friend.  Talk about your day, whether it is good or bad, and choose to believe that you are not a burden on them. 

Tell others what you need.  Your loved ones might not possess the same superpower as you and cannot read your mind when you need help.  Do not get frustrated and irritable with others when they do not show up for you in the same way you do for them.

Accept support.  Sometimes you give and sometimes you need to take. 

Rest.  Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb.  Netflix and ACTUALLY chill.  Caring for others is emotionally draining; helpers need extra time to recharge before they can start giving again. 

Give gifts anonymously.  Helpers tend to know what everyone wants and give the best gifts, but secretly, they do this because they want to be affirmed by others for being a great friend or partner.  Giving and truly expecting nothing in return is a great opportunity for self-growth. 

Show yourself the same amount of care that you show others. 

Write yourself a love letter.  Describe all the reasons why you are independently good enough. 

Take yourself on an amazing date.  Be sure to go to the spots that YOU enjoy most.        

Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 2

Type 2s are often willing to sacrifice their own health and wellbeing to prioritize their relationships and connections to others.  They want to feel irreplaceable by the people they care about most in life and can easily lose track of what is vital to their own identity.  Helpers need to be intentional about self-love or they can end up living messy, unbalanced, and sometimes abusive lives.  Through self-care and purposeful reflection, type 2s can learn that their value is not determined by others wanting or needing their help.  They can also develop healthier self-esteem and become more emotionally honest individuals.

If your partner is a type 2, always remember that they thrive off of deep connection and strive to be wanted and needed by others.  This desire is healthy in small doses but can quickly become exhausting for them.  Do not assume that they always have the capacity to take care of you and listen to your struggles.  Intentionally inquire about their needs and ask what they can handle before putting requests on their plate.  They have a tendency to drop everything to support you and sometimes you will need to help them say “no.”  Type 2s feel guilty speaking up and asking for relief themselves.  When they struggle to tell you what they need, give them a small number of choices and ask which would be most helpful.   When you are in groups, try to carry the conversation so they feel less of a need to ensure everyone is comfortable and having fun. 

Most importantly, pay attention to what they do for you and for others.  They secretly want you to do the same for them in return.  When you use your time and actions to show how much you care, they will feel valued and loved in the best kind of way. 

SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING

Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.