An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 3
WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
Welcome to part 3 of this blog series and thank you for following along! If you are just stumbling on this and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1 and Type 2. To recap, I will be explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality specific self-care recommendations for each type. Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type. If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work. Understanding the different personality types will arm you with knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs. It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs. When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you. The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.
In this blog, we are moving on to Type 3…
Type 3: The Achiever
Achievers are drawn to the leaders and influencers of the world. They follow models of other successful individuals, are goal-oriented, and have a tendency to closely track their progress in all facets of their lives. They are terrified of failure and push themselves so hard that they are forced to have frequent veg sessions or autopilot episodes to recover. Type 3s base the value of their achievements on societal norms and expectations. Their hard work is often motivated by a need for validation and approval from others. Until they can attain a personal sense of pride, they may lie or exaggerate their accomplishments when speaking to others. The expression “fake it ‘til you make it” was likely crafted by a Type 3. If Achievers have different friend groups, it is common that their persona changes based on each group’s definition of success. It is often hard for others to get to know a Type 3’s authentic self.
Self-Care Recommendations:
Self-affirm with the words, “I am always worthwhile.”
Put a post-it note in your living space that says, “not everyone is going to like you. You are NOT pizza.”
Strive to be average at something. Choose a hobby that you know you are not going to be great at doing and stick with it just for fun.
Block out time to absorb inspiration. Make it a priority to read books, go on Pinterest, and learn about someone else’s point of view. Let yourself feel inspired without the requirement to act on it.
Cry. Type 3s tend to detach from their negative emotions as a way to avoid their worst nightmare: others seeing them struggle. Own your sadness even if you do not fully understand why you are sad. It does not mean you are weak.
Devote yourself to authenticity. Share how you actually feel with others, not the way you think others want or expect you to feel.
Rest without having to earn it. You do not have to run 5 miles in order to eat a burger for dinner. You do not have to study for 8 hours as a precursor to watching a movie. Goals can be good but allowing yourself unconditional rest is so much more important.
Laugh at yourself. Tell everyone you accidentally read the wrong book for class or totally tripped on the stairs. Face your fear of shame and be the one to initiate it. The longer you hold onto your precious image and avoid embarrassment, the more anxious you will feel when you have to eventually experience it.
Intentionally fail. If you are bad at bowling, go challenge the best bowler you know. Get comfortable with being terrible at something.
Reflect on the times when you have lied to others. Journal about your motivation for keeping the truth a secret. Think about ways you can challenge these motivations better in the future.
Repeat after me. “I do not need to promise the world to others in order to have value.”
Stop answering non-urgent emails immediately. You can take an extra hour. Take a day. Set boundaries around your evenings and weekends or whatever you have defined as your personal time.
Leave work where it belongs. If possible, leave your work laptop at the office. If you regularly work from home, put your non-personal devices in a drawer at the end of each workday. You don’t have to be constantly “on.” You deserve to actually enjoy your child’s extracurriculars. Your child deserves it too.
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable; avoid choosing outfits that make it seem like you have your life completely together.
Share something that you believe in even if it might be seen as controversial.
Post an ugly, unfiltered photo on IG.
Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 3
Type 3s struggle with self-worth and they have a desire to be liked by others. It is imperative that they take time to reflect and challenge others’ beliefs or they can end up living disconnected and superficial lives. Type 3s often miss easy opportunities for the admiration they are craving because they only look to find it in their successes. Achievers need self-care so they can become more grounded and truly experience life around them. They need to learn that they are not defined by their accomplishments or the words of others.
If your partner is a Type 3, remember that they deeply value their personal and professional successes. Help them incorporate self-care and balance into their busy life, but do not nullify their value system. They like when you tell them that you are proud of their efforts and hard work. When you do this, try to really focus on the time and endurance involved and try to avoid putting attention on the end product. Type 3s become more defensive and drained when you tell them they care too much about work and achievement.
To the naked eye, Achievers are really good at juggling pressure and all their roles; but the truth is, they are often hurting trying to keep up with others’ expectations. One of the best ways you can support a Type 3 is by letting them be their authentic self around you. Let them laugh, cry, and process genuine emotions. Achievers have a hard time balancing lightheartedness and heavy-heartedness; help them with this. Highlight their silliness and remind them that light moments can just be light moments. When things are heavy, sit next to them. Let them acknowledge the heavy feelings without the need to make a joke or practice gratitude.
The more you assist them with this, the more likely they are to understand and care for their authentic self.
SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.