Understanding and Managing Your Lizard Brain

Written by Kristin Tallackson, M.A., LPC

Learning about the lizard brain can help you and the child in your life deescalate during heated moments. As parents, caregivers, and teachers we can wonder why children have a difficult time managing emotions. However, we often forget that they need to be taught. Just as we have taught them to brush their teeth, ride a bike, and conquer new math problems, we also have to teach them strategies to sit with their emotions and use coping strategies when possible. I often teach children and their caregivers about the lizard brain. Psycho-education is a powerful tool that can be a catalyst for changed behavior. This is not only helpful for kids, but for caregivers to help understand the “why” behind the behavior.

Lizard Brain

I explain that we have a lizard brain and thinking cap. The lizard brain represents the amygdala, an almond shaped collection of nuclei found deep in the temporal lobe of the brain. Though it controls a variety of responses in the body, it is most known for controlling interpreting fear. We all have different responses to fear. Some may fight, while others freeze or take flight (run away). Our lizard brain is needed for our survival from dangerous events and encounters, however, it often can get confused on what is an actual threat versus a perceived threat. Our lizard brain center can “light up” in response to anything we perceive as a threat. It is important for caregivers and children to understand that when the lizard brain is activated, you will not be able to reason until the child regains a sense of control. I often help children understand the body clues (fast heart beat, getting warm) for when they feel the lizard brain emerging.

Thinking Cap

The thinking cap represents the prefrontal cortex located in the frontal lobe and is responsible for executive functioning which includes reasoning, focusing and, impulse control. I explain that our thinking cap can help us use our mindfulness techniques and healthy coping skills. Check out  this blog for ideas on healthy coping skills. We then go over different scenarios as to when we would use our lizard brain and our thinking cap.

Tips For Caregivers

If you notice the child is having a difficult time with big emotions, do not enter the chaos. Be the calm in their chaos. An escalated adult cannot deescalate and escalated child. Allow the frustration, anger and other big emotions settle and talk to them with love and respect without shaming them. This opens the door to communication and resolution. 

We often forget that children may not understand what emotion they are feeling. Name it for them. You can help facilitate emotion identification by expressing the emotions you are feeling. You might say, “I’m feeling happy that the sun is out today” or “I feel frustrated when I have to wait in traffic” (then show a way to regulate that frustration- such as saying “I’m going to turn on my favorite song to help me feel calm”).

Acknowledge and validate their feeling. We can often forget that even as adults we start to feel frustrated and hurt when our feelings are not validated. Be sure to validate their feelings, acknowledge that you understand what they are feeling. Acknowledging and validating does not mean you are excusing unacceptable behavior. This often gets confused. You can validate and acknowledge while keeping healthy boundaries. An example of this would be saying, “I see that you’re angry and having a hard time, I’m going to stop you from hitting now to keep you and me safe”.

Ask the child, “What’s your plan?” If they are having difficulty, it is okay to say, “I can give you the time you need” and you can offer help by saying, “Would you like my help?”. This fosters independence while reminding them you are there for support if needed. You can ask them ways they can remember their plan for the next time they feel their lizard brain emerging.

By understanding the functions of your brain, it can help you and the child in your life come up with a variety of solutions and coping skills to manage the lizard brain. There are many ways to collaborate and problem-solve together. For more information, you can watch this video and have a fun conversation afterwards.

SERVICES KRISTIN OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING

Kristin offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, postpartum-perinatal counseling, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, trauma treatment and EMDR, and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.

Source for photo: Creator: shapecharge | Credit: Getty Images

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