Understanding Trauma and Its Involvement in Our Lives

 Written by Ashley Taylor, M.S.W, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

I’m sure we can all reflect upon the times that we fell as kids and scraped our knees or elbows, forming open wounds on our bodies. As the wounds began to heal, the wounds tend to leave scars as subtle reminders of the tumbles we once took. Some scars go away, while other ones stick around over the years. Some people can look down at these scars and remember the chain of events that led to the scar, and sometimes those memories fade away and that chain of events escapes us, but regardless, we have a mark that has remained with us beyond the series of events that caused the mark that lives on our bodies. But just like all the things we have been through in our lives don’t define us, neither do the scars that are left as a result of these once open wounds.

We can think about the trauma and the unpacking of traumatic situations throughout the therapeutic process in this same way. In therapy, many emotions come to the surface as we start to work through the feelings and situations that we felt would be best dealt with through therapy are being addressed. When a traumatic event takes place in our lives, it starts out as an open wound, and over time, the wound heals itself, becoming a scar. When we go to therapy and start to address these traumas, the scar might feel as if it is temporarily opening back up, causing distress for the client which can lead to feelings of distress, and maybe questions of whether or not this is even work you’d like to continue to do. While painful, this is the reality of the therapeutic process. The purpose of going to therapy is not to open your wounds and leave you bleeding, but to temporarily open these wounds in hopes that they can heal themselves in a healthier way. Many times, when we experience a trauma or gain a new scar, we are unaware that trauma is what we have even experienced so this wound closes with a limited base of knowledge. By addressing these traumas, and temporarily opening these wounds, we are able to allow the wounds to heal with more knowledge about the truth of our lived experiences. In turn, this can take a scar that we might have previously viewed as ugly, and learn to accept it as a part of our process, but far from being the whole story.

The truth about trauma is that everyone experiences it at some point in their lifetime. Simply put, trauma is our emotional response to a distressing experience. I think that it can be hard for people to associate the word trauma with their experiences because it can sometimes feel like the event has to be very serious in nature. But the reality is, emotional distress comes about for every person differently. While one person might find a situation to be next to unbearable, another person might not even bat an eye. That does not make the trauma any less relevant, but it shows that our traumas are very specific to our own lived experience, just like the scars that form as a result. There are multiple types of trauma that further define the impact that it has on us as individuals. 

Trauma can be acute, chronic, complex, or secondary. 

• Acute trauma is the result of a one-time incident, such as a car accident. Although short lived, a car accident is something that can cause someone extreme distress over long periods of time, no matter how brief the initial incident. 

• Chronic trauma is the result of harmful events that are repeated over longer periods of time, such as domestic abuse or bullying. 

• Complex trauma is the type of trauma that occurs across long periods of time in most or all situations. An example of this would be a childhood that lacked emotional safety, causing the child to live within a state of hypervigilance in which they are trapped in. Their day to day life is essentially a traumatic experience.

• Secondary trauma is trauma that you experience on behalf of someone else. This is very common for people who work in certain professions like police officers, or EMT’s. What they see in their work day causes them distress while off the clock as they are forced to reflect on what they’ve seen.

The traumas that we have experienced in our lives live within each of us, like these scars that appear on our bodies. Although some of us have an easier time remembering how these scars have occurred or had an impact on us, some of us are constantly fighting to forget that the scar even exists as a way to cope and move forward with our lives. Although therapy has a way of bringing these scars back to the surface, it is work that needs to be done in order for us to be able to let those old scars heal more properly. Our scars do not define who we are. What was once an open wound learns to heal. By showing up to therapy and making the investment to reprocess the events that have come to shape us, we are showing up for ourselves in a way that no one else can. 

At Heights Family Counseling, we offer online and in-person trauma therapy in Houston and San Antonio. Contact our counseling clinic to set up a free phone consultation