Anxiety Tool Kit – Body, Mind, Spirit: Part II: Mind

Written by Michele Dial, M.Ed, LPC 

Remember that scenario from Part I of the Anxiety Tool Kit series last month? It’s the end of a busy day and you crawl into bed, ready for some serious ZZZ’s, but you can’t fall asleep because your mind gets flooded with a million little worries, and some big ones, too? In Part I, we looked at opportunities to address anxiety from a physiological perspective. Part II is all about the mind.

Please note that while we refer to the example of bedtime anxiety throughout this blog, the strategies proposed can be applied to many sources of anxiety, so feel free to insert whatever scenario is meaningful to you.

Have you ever wondered why bedtime becomes the playground for racing thoughts and excessive worry? Rachel Gorton, in her blog on Mother.ly, suggests that it’s because bedtime is the first time all day that we have quiet, uninterrupted time to think. This makes so much sense to me. Regardless of the type of work we do (in or out of the home), our days are filled with decisions and challenges that require focus and input, often on the spot. At what other point during the day do we have utter quiet with no one vying for our attention? And if we do get those precious moments where no one is tugging at our sleeve or popping into our office (sorry, Amy!), we are often demanding more of ourselves with a never-ending to-do list. So it’s not surprising that when we lay down to rest, our minds are finally free to roam.

FEAR OF THE FEAR

After a few days / weeks / months of experiencing anxiety at specific times or during certain activities, a pattern begins to form. You know what comes next – the fear of the fear. Our bodies and brains are wired to recognize patterns and prepare to respond accordingly. So once we get accustomed to feeling anxious at particular times, such as bedtime or while driving, we sometimes start reacting before we even get to bed or get in the car. We anticipate feeling anxious before we ever get into the anxiety-inducing situation and start feeling anxious about being anxious. Talk about a vicious cycle!

One solution seems both simple and challenging at the same time. What if we were to create quiet time and space for our thoughts to flood in before bedtime? Since we know what might be awaiting us at bedtime, why not beat it to the punch? Let’s nip that dread of non-sleep in the bud by proactively addressing our stressors before they hijack our brains and keep us from getting the sleep we need.

ADJUST YOUR ROUTINE

There are about as many bedtime routines as there are people in this world. While they vary greatly, we all have them. Let the dog out, check on the kids one last time, brush your teeth, etc, etc. And it usually starts about the same time each night. A small adjustment in your nightly ritual can make a big difference. Try starting 15 minutes earlier than usual and complete all the tasks in your routine except crawling into bed. Then find a quiet place away from everyone else in your home and spend some time using these exercises to explore the thoughts and feelings that get pushed aside throughout the day.

ASSESS YOUR PRESENT

Streamlining daily routines can help life run smoothly and predictably, which is both comforting and efficient. It can also shift us into auto-pilot mode, and ultimately leave us detached from our experiences. Take a few minutes to review your day and consider these questions.

What’s my day been like? My week? 

What are some things I’ve done well?
            What are some things I would like to handle differently tomorrow?

            What have I been worried about?

            What is my body trying to tell me?

As you contemplate these questions, you may notice some common themes emerging. Perhaps this has been an exceptionally busy (or boring) week. Perhaps you’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Or lost, without direction. Noticing patterns can point you in the direction of what you need or what needs your attention in order to find some balance.

Listening to your body is key. Our bodies hold all of our stresses and joys in the nervous system and manifest problems physiologically. When your life is out of balance, your body is likely out of balance as well. Maybe you’ve noticed a cold coming on, or an upset stomach or a persistent headache. Maybe you’re feeling a lot of tension in your shoulders, neck or back. Or maybe you’re just feeling good and healthy. Your body is a good mirror of mental and emotional health, so take notice.

CHANGE YOUR NARRATIVE

Do NOT take this opportunity to beat yourself up as you answer these questions. Self-reflection is a time for growth and awareness, NOT self-criticism and disdain. Negative self-talk doesn’t just perpetuate anxiety, it amplifies it. Please try to be as gentle with yourself as you would your best friend. Remind yourself that you work hard every day, take care of friends and family, and face endless demands across the board. Remind yourself that no one gets it right every single time because there is no such thing as perfection. Let me say that again . . . THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION. So give yourself a break.

KNOW WHEN TO LET GO

As your sorting through your list of worries, feel free to grab a pen and paper and actually write them down. Externalizing worries (getting them outside of yourself and onto paper) gives them a parking lot so they’re not forgotten, but don’t take up valuable real estate in our psyche. Once you have a tangible list, ask yourself two questions:

Which items can I do something about?

            Which items are beyond my control?

If they fall into the category of “beyond my control” it’s time to let them go. That may look like delegating them to the person who can make a difference in that area or relinquishing them to God or the universe or whatever force you believe in that is bigger than you. Once you release it, trust that it will find its resolution. Meanwhile, you can focus on the areas where you do have an impact. Dwight Eisenhower’s prioritization matrix helps put tasks and worries into perspective based on level of urgency and level of importance. Getting a handle on your to-do list can ease your mind and help you get that elusive rest.

MEDITATION

I’ll be the first to admit I have never meditated by myself. I have prayed. I have closed my eyes and tried to organize my thoughts and feelings. But I’ve never been savvy about how to meditate, and certainly don’t have the discipline to sit still for long periods of time. But don’t worry – meditation is not just about sitting for hours with a blank mind. I admire the folks who can achieve that state of calm, but it’s not for me.

Enter Headspace, Calm, and a host of other apps to help us out. These apps house a variety of sleep aids and anxiety reduction tools, including a variety of meditations tailored for different needs (i.e. anxiety, relationships, self-care) and a broad range of sleep stories in various lengths to help focus your attention and drift off to sleep peacefully.

In addition to helping clear your mind and pave the way for restful sleep, you can use these tactics in small doses throughout the day as stressors arise in order to prevent anxiousness from piling up.

The third and final installment of the Anxiety Tool Kit is coming soon. Stay tuned!

Find part 1 here: https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/blog/2019/11/1/anxiety-tool-kit-body-mind-spirit-part-i-body and part 3 here https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/blog/2020/1/30/anxiety-tool-kit-body-mind-spirit-part-iii-spirit

If you are struggling to manage your anxiety, contact us for a free consultation for anxiety therapy.