Parenting During a Pandemic
Written by Michele Kamerman, LPC, RPT
Registered Play Therapist
Now being in almost week seven of quarantine, who wishes there was a book on parenting during a pandemic?? This is all not normal, but it is our new normal for now. I know limiting screen time has gone out the window in many households, so parents can have a break or work from home. I know many parents have lost their cool throughout this process due to their child also losing their cool. Here are some tips for parents during this difficult and stressful time.
Be Mindful of Your Own Stress Level
Children can pick up on their parents’ emotions, which can lead to children also feeling stressed out. If possible, tag team with your partner and take a break. This is a good time for a walk or run to get away for a few minutes. If you are not able to tag team, set up the children with an activity that will keep their attention for a few minutes, so you can take a break. Maybe set a timer so your children can have a visual for when your break is over. You may reward your children for following directions.
Many parents have lost their cool during this process, which is normal. Parents have so many different hats they are having to wear during this time: parent, teacher, employee/employer. With so much on one’s plate, it’s easy to take it out on your children. What is not ok is physical punishment. Spanking can lead to increased aggression in children and lessens the trust in the parent/child relationship. Children may put up a guard toward their parents out of fear and may then internalize their thoughts and feelings.
Be Mindful of Your Child’s Stress Level
Children are also feeling the stress of the world today. They are missing out on classroom learning, in person friendships, organized sports and activities, birthday parties, playing at the park, etc. Many children are struggling to grasp what exactly has happened to the world. Their normal life and outlets have been taken away overnight. They won’t be able to say bye to their teachers and classrooms and may be missing out on milestone events as well.
Children may act out due to the many recent changes they are experiencing. They may present as angry, irritable, or defiant, but underneath feel sad, worried, and confused. It’s important to validate your child’s feelings, such as “Your face is showing me you look angry. What are the angry thoughts in your head?” This helps your child feel understood, and it also helps you in understanding what’s on your child’s mind. Together, you and your child can brainstorm helpful thoughts which promotes problem solving skills and emotional regulation.
Consequences versus Rewards
By this point, I’m sure there have been a few power struggles in most households between parent and child. Before you start handing out consequences and taking away privileges, think about what your child is learning from this type of discipline. Consequences are meant to teach, not to punish. What may be more helpful is having a conversation with your child once both sides are calm to provide an understanding of both perceptions. This is a way for them to learn for next time. Children have already had much of their world taken away during the pandemic, so another loss may make things worse.
The use of a reward system may be most helpful during this tough time. When you implement a reward system, there is more focus on the behavior you are looking for rather than focusing on the negative behavior. Children will learn from the reinforcement and praise, and this will support their self-esteem and reframe their cognitions. This type of system can also assist parents with letting go of some power struggles by providing children with the choice of earning a reward.
We are all feeling the stress of the world right now. It’s important to keep in mind your children are going through this too. Remember to be mindful. We will all get through this!
If your child is struggling with stress, play therapy can help. Contact us today to learn more.