Talking to Your Teens About Therapy
Written by Kristin Tallackson, M.A., LPC
As parents, we are often looking for ways to provide our children with resources, support, and care. Perhaps, you’ve noticed your teen would benefit from speaking with a therapist and you’re unsure of how to approach the conversation with them. In all my years in the mental health field, I have seen parents take one of two approaches, forgoing the conversation and bringing the teen to therapy without their knowledge, or preparing the teen for the first counseling appointment. I will urge you to do the latter. When teens feel tricked into going to therapy, I will often see a reluctancy to engage. When teens are prepared, I see a willingness to engage in the process. I’m sure you’re thinking, “how can I talk to them about it?” The following are some discussion tips to consider.
Approach Topic In A Gentle, Calm Tone
The way you deliver your concerns can make a world of difference. If you try to express your concerns in an accusatory manner such as, “You’re always moping around. You never look happy. You don’t come out and interact with us”, your teen is more apt to become defensive and shut down the idea due to feeling as if something is “wrong” with them. However, if you present your concerns in a gentle, calm tone such as, “ We really care about you and are concerned about the sudden change in your mood, we’ve noticed you’ve been feeling more down lately”, teens are more likely to be receptive to what you are saying. This also opens the door of communication between you and your teen. After you’ve told them your concerns, you may approach the topic of seeing a therapist and talk about the benefits. You can be honest in your limitations as a parent and let the teen know that you understand they may not feel comfortable coming to you about everything and a therapist can be an unbiased party with professional skills that could help them through this difficult time.
Explore Feelings
It is important for you to know how your teen is feelings before the first appointment. Every person is different in how open they are to therapy. Some teens may be ready and willing to engage in the process while others may be more reluctant. Start the conversation by asking some open-ended questions.
- What do you think therapy is? What do expect to do in therapy?
- What questions do you have about the therapist? The first appointment?
- What emotion does it bring up when you think about going to talk to someone?
- In what ways do you want us to be involved in the therapy process?
Getting the conversation going, can help your teen feel more at ease for the first appointment. Help your teen come up with some questions to ask the therapist if they are still feeling unsure about the process.
Discuss Boundaries
With teens especially, it is essential to talk about the boundaries you and the therapist will have in place. Many teens are resistant to therapy because they think everything they tell the therapist will be told to their parents. Research shows that teens have a better outcome when they have autonomy within the therapeutic relationship. Be sure to discuss with your child your role in the therapy process and be open to change it if the teen expresses they would like more independence. Having conversations on the boundaries you will keep in place, will help the teen feel like they have a safe, protected space to talk about their feelings. Therapists will also go over what the confines to “what you say here stays here”. If there are further questions, make sure to ask in the initial session.
Allow Teen To Be Apart Of The Process
Make sure to look into therapists in your area and pick out a few that may specialize in working with teens. After doing so, invite your teen to be a part of the process of picking a therapist. Allow them to read the bios and see which they think they would be able to have rapport with. Research shows that the number one indicator in successful therapy outcomes is the therapeutic rapport. It can also ease some initial anxiety if the teen knows what the therapist looks like and what they can expect from the therapist.
Make Therapy A Priority For The Family
As you’ve probably heard before, actions speak louder than words. Engaging in therapy for yourself can help destigmatize seeking help and normalize going to therapy. It can also help teens with the feeling, “something is wrong with me and that’s why I have to go”. By normalizing therapy, you are creating an open door for your teen to talk openly about mental health and seeking help.
Talking to your teen about starting teen therapy can feel overwhelming. Remember, you can use this time to show your own vulnerabilities and it can be something that brings you together rather than pulls you apart. Your teen may display a myriad of emotions while talking about this. The most important thing you can do is give them the space to express that emotion and talk through it together, by doing so you are already setting up a safe place to start the process.
SERVICES KRISTIN OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Kristin offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.