An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 4

WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP

Welcome to part 4 of this blog series and thank you for following along!  If you are just stumbling on this and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1, Type 2, and Type 3.  To recap, I will be explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality-specific self-care recommendations for each type.  Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type.  If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work.  Understanding the different personality types will arm you with the knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs.  It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs.  When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you.  The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.   

In this blog, we are moving on to Type 4…

Type 4: The Individualist

Individualists want to convince you that they are the most unique and interesting ones in the room.  They live their lives through self-expression and are often known as the artists or creators around us.  Type 4s typically see themselves as exceptional (or exceptionally damaged) and feel very different from everyone else.  They try to stand out with a distinctive aesthetic and style because they value the differentiation from the rest of the world.  Type 4s will do whatever they can to avoid being seen as “average” or “normal.”  They are usually more introverted; but they are great friends to have in your corner because they will encourage you to process deeper emotions and explore all your layers.  They will try to see your side and validate the heck out of your feelings. 

Individualists find something beautiful and interesting about sadness.  They often long for things missing in their lives and will deeply reflect to try and find answers.  They can get lost in a state of internal questioning for long amounts of time.  Type 4s might discover the vision they want for their life, but they feel discouraged they will ever fully get there. 

Self-Care Recommendations:

Self-affirm with the words, “I am loved for who I am.”

Make your bed every morning.  This can help with motivation for a Type 4 that tends to avoid “trivial” tasks.

Record how long it takes to workout, answer a few emails, or do whatever else you have been avoiding.  Use this to remind yourself that you can get things done AND have time to search for your deeper meaning.

Be sad and happy concurrently.  Yes, we live in a broken world where sad things happen to us and our loved ones and you should own your hurt feelings.  Remind yourself to also experience the joy that is around you.

Start a gratitude journal.  Be intentional with your entries and record examples that offset the negativity in your life. 

Depersonalize your creations.  Start by changing your language.  Instead of saying, “this is my painting,” try saying “this is a painting I created.” 

Listen to the #1 song on Spotify.  You don’t need to always go down rabbit holes to find music that no one else has discovered.  There is nothing wrong with being ordinary sometimes. 

Take a day off social media.  Disable it.  Have your friend temporarily change your password if you must.  The comparison trap that happens with social media affects all personality types, but it makes Type 4s feel especially isolated and flawed.

Do the thing you have been wanting to do.  Do it without the added pressure of it needing to be everything you ever envisioned.  Create the painting; write the book; start the business; audition for the role.  Just try.

Find an external cause.  Volunteer in your community.  Serving others will help you see that beauty and fulfillment is not just found in pain. 

Exercise.  No, it might not be the most expeditious way to find your purpose, but it will allow you to connect with your body in a new way.  Not everything in life has to have deep, personal value.

Journal your answer to this prompt: “what if your value to others isn’t that you are different or unique, but simply because you are you?”

Change your sleep hygiene.  Many Type 4s struggle with sleep because their anxious and sad thoughts can keep them awake at night.  Download the Calm app and try some guided meditation.

Repeat after me, “I am not what I create.”

Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 4

Type 4s are willing to sacrifice consistency and stability in pursuit of identity and self-expression.  They struggle to see beauty at times because they continue to dream about how life could be better.  Individualists struggle to take care of their basic needs and are high risk of living isolated, egotistical, and self-sabotaging lives.  Intentional self-care is imperative for a Type 4 because it allows them to fully experience life and challenge their beliefs about being flawed.  They will find that they are capable of doing so much more living and are not solely defined by their individuality. 

If your partner is a Type 4, do your best to avoid invalidating language.  Individualists want to create as much purpose in their life as possible and getting in the way of this can make them feel defeated and even more alone.  Type 4s tend to stay stuck in regrets from the past and idealizations about the future; the best way you can love them is by helping them explore their emotions.  Offer less judgement and more empathy.  Ask, “what are you wrestling in your mind today?”  Assist with making sense of their thoughts and develop some actionable steps.  By validating their negative feelings, you can empower them to overcome their struggles.  You can also support the Type 4 in your life by engaging in those deep conversations they love while doing practical, day to day, chores.  Help them knock out those dishes and the laundry, while talking about the heaviness on their heart.  You can remind them that they don’t just have to choose between one task or the other.  Find ways to remind your Type 4 how they have made your life more meaningful.  This will help them feel immensely fulfilled.   

SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING

Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.