An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 8
WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
Welcome to part 8 of this blog series and thank you for following along! If you are just arriving and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, Type 4, Type 5, Type 6 and Type 7. To recap, I will be explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality specific self-care recommendations for each type. Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type. If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work. Understanding the different personality types will arm you with knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs. It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs. When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you. The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.
In this blog, we are moving on to Type 8…
Type 8: The Challenger
Challengers are those people that walk into a room with purpose. They command attention through their authoritative nature. Type 8s are not afraid of conflict. In fact, they often gravitate towards it and are willing to ask the hard questions. From others’ perspectives, Type 8s can appear intimidating and seem like a lot to handle. Challengers can struggle with getting close to others due to their tough exterior; people often cannot see past the intensity. Challengers run far and fast from vulnerability and struggle to show their soft interior to those around them. Processing emotion is a foreign concept to them, so it takes a while to express themselves in that way. They typically react first and figure out their feelings second.
Type 8s have mastered assertive communication skills; they are the ones that speak up for you about the restaurant chef messing up your order. They ask for what they want and can quickly work their way up the ladder in leadership settings. Although they are great workers, they tend to overextend themselves and surpass their physical and mental limitations. They have a really hard time taking days off to rest. Challengers are passionate about providing strength for others and they cannot tolerate injustice in the world. They love advocating for the underdog because they secretly see the underdog in themselves. They can certainly be a lot to handle, but Type 8s make great partners, friends, and colleagues because they will always fight to protect those around them.
Self-Care Recommendations:
Self-affirm with the words, “I will not be betrayed.”
Do not be afraid of counseling. Most Challengers have lived a hard life in some way. Whether someone has told you to “toughen up,” betrayed your trust, exploited your weakness, or taken advantage of you, working with a trusted mental health professional can help.
Repeat after me, “I am WAY more than my passion and responsibilities.”
Go down a path that is unfamiliar. Challengers are secretly terrified of being seen as weak and tend to choose paths of things they know that they can conquer.
Acknowledge that “reaching the top” is subjective. We decide when we meet our top.
Read this blog post and ask yourself if you are chasing conditional happiness or if you are happy in the present moment.
Journal about what you could accomplish if your pride was not a concern.
Say, “no.” Type 8s tend to struggle with boundaries. They do not necessarily care about pleasing other people, but they would rather say “yes” to another to-do item than admit that they cannot handle anything else. They are known to stack on stressors in order to avoid feeling weak.
Continue walking into the room with confidence and debunk those fears that you need to lessen your sparkle to let others shine.
Complete your stress cycle. Cry. Run. Dance. Avoid just moving on to the next big thing.
Google emotion wheels. Pick your favorite one. Use it to more accurately describe how you are feeling when communicating with people that you trust.
Explore what is underneath your anger. Print off an anger iceberg worksheet to help you figure out what triggered your angry behavior.
Put a post-it note on your bathroom mirror that says, “I have limits.”
Slow down your mornings. Before hustling into your day, spend 30 minutes relaxing alone. Set your intention for the day. Have a soothing drinking. Journal. Observe nature. Your work will still be there waiting for you.
Extend empathy to those with opposing viewpoints. Entertain a different perspective even if you still decide to disagree.
Expose yourself to change so you can build more flexible thinking skills.
Be intentionally unproductive. Follow the hashtag #selfcaresaturday for ideas.
Practice prayer or meditation as a way to slow down, organize your thoughts and feelings, and accept what is outside of your control.
Let others tell YOU what to do.
Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 8
Type 8s have normalized pushing themselves beyond their limits and are high risk for burnout. They choose to believe that they can be superhumans if they try hard enough and take on enough responsibility. These exercises above can help Type 8s learn to introspect and understand emotions so they can develop a healthier relationship with change, power struggles, and lack of control. Challengers need self-care so they can learn to balance all the buckets in their life. Intentional self-care practices will allow them to become more present in their relationships, better manage stressors at work, and become more in touch with their authentic self. When they are balanced and self-aware, Type 8s are a true inspiration to others.
If your partner is a Type 8, you understand that they are fueled by confrontation. They have no issue telling you exactly what is bothering them. Try your best to be kind and patient with them during conflict. A lot of people in their life likely see their actions as cruel or insensitive. Be the one that looks deeper. Their desire for conflict is likely less about wanting to argue and more about wanting everything to be okay again. Their communication skills might be incongruent with your needs, but instead of shaming them for this, try to model how they can better support you. Use emotion words left and right when communicating with your Type 8 partner so they can feel safe being vulnerable with you too.
There will absolutely be times you do not agree with your Challenger’s reaction. Demonstrate and request the behavior that you are needing from them due to your unique history and preferences. Really emphasize the fact that change is needed so you can feel safe and supported. Avoid criticizing your Type 8 partner’s behavior or labeling them with any negative words. Feeling like someone thinks you’d be better off if you changed who you are is a terrible feeling for anyone, and Challengers often already absorb this pressure from others. Work hard to accept their identity, find the good, and communicate your personal boundaries in gentle ways so that both of your needs can be seen as important. Your Type 8 partner is unafraid to approach you with THEIR needs, so show them the same level of authenticity. They will feel valued and loved when you share your honest thoughts and your relationship will be so much healthier and easier to manage.
SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.