An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 5
WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
Welcome to part 5 of this blog series and thank you for following along! If you are just stumbling on this and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1, Type 2, Type 3 and Type 4. To recap, I will be explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality-specific self-care recommendations for each type. Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type. If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work. Understanding the different personality types will arm you with knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs. It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs. When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you. The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.
In this blog, we are moving on to Type 5…
Type 5: The Observer
Observers are commonly known as introverted, quiet, and or detached. It sometimes feels as if they are lacking emotions or as if they are disinterested in what is happening around them. Compared to other personality types, they are more likely to cancel plans and opt for an unaccompanied night at home. If they do attend an event, you might see them looking down on their phone or going hard on the chips and queso while listening to others’ conversations. Observers only have a limited amount of social energy each day. They often prefer to be alone with their thoughts in order to avoid exceeding this social energy threshold. They are creatures of habit and need gentle reminders to continue allocating time for others.
Type 5s tend to be minimalists and deny themselves of things and experiences that cannot be easily justified as practical. Somewhere along the way, they developed a core belief that suggests it is not okay for them to be comfortable in the world. They get genuinely curious about everything and can sometimes go down rabbit holes with books, mysteries, and riddles. It feels safe for a Type 5 to choose the topic of discussion. They mostly talk about the hobbies and subjects they know best in order to feel smart and boost their self-esteem. They struggle to feel confident without preliminary research, and they must have all necessary tools and instructions before attempting any personal goals.
Self-Care Recommendations:
Self-affirm with the words, “my needs are not a problem.”
Learn to grow, not just to understand. You are fully equipped and capable of handling whatever growth may bring.
Find a job that is specific to your personality style. You do NOT need to become more outgoing, more affectionate, or more anything in order to succeed.
Journal about the people and environments that drain your energy most. Is there anything you can control that will allow you to feel more replenished in those situations?
Start the project. If you must buy all of the equipment, spend hours watching YouTube videos on best practices, and learn as much about the project as possible first, so be it. Just find a way to hold yourself accountable and actually execute the task.
If you need to leave the party early, do it. Do it unapologetically and without shame.
Place a post-it note on your bathroom mirror that says, “I am not a burden.” Read it out loud when you are getting ready each morning.
Get outside. Observers are great at exercising their minds, but often struggle to connect with their physical body. Nature begs for your gaze and mind, so try things like hiking, skiing, surfing, or climbing as a way to incorporate movement.
TREAT YO’ SELF. Get that super comfy blanket even if you have another at home. Buy the extra-large coffee mug for sipping lattes on rainy days. Splurge on the comprehensive planner that will help you keep your life more in check.
Engage with a Type 8 that will regularly challenge all your built-up knowledge.
Say, “yes.” Set a small goal in order to make yourself more available in your career and relationships.
Draw a pictorial representation of how much energy you have in this moment. Reflect on times your picture would have looked better or worse. Write what you learned about yourself.
Ensure your to-do list is brief and your goals are attainable. Type 5s tend to get intimidated and avoid getting things accomplished when a vision seems too large.
Tell someone about the progress you have made in the last year. Give yourself more credit and challenge those fears of being behind and unorganized.
Repeat after me, “I am valuable for who I am, not for what I know.”
Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 5
Type 5s ultimately want to feel capable and competent above everything else. When they believe they are not enough or do not have enough to take on all aspects of life, they shrink and isolate themselves. In an attempt to feel safe and better prepared for the world, they resort to excessive researching and overthinking tendencies. Without prioritizing self-care and gaining support from others, Type 5s can start to collapse into a cynical lifestyle. Observers help others innovate, explore, and change the world for the better, but they cannot use their skills to help society until they help themselves.
If your partner is a Type 5, you probably know how much they value their space. They love the idea of a clean sanctuary at home so they can best replenish their needs when withdrawing from social situations. Instead of trying to change this about them, respect and show appreciation towards how this might be different from your needs. Ask them how they best recharge and allow them time and space to do it. If necessary, give them their complete silence during dinner or permission to leave the room to read in bed. Doing this will take a huge weight off of their shoulders and allow the two of you to build trust and respect within your relationship. You can also support the Type 5 in your life by taking an interest in one of their passions. You do not need to obsess about it on the same level but do some research or ask them to teach you something new about it. They will love the intellectual stimulation and feel so much closer to you. Finally, one of the best ways you can show up for your Type 5 partner is by helping them debunk their feelings of incompetence. Find a way to show them that they are wanted despite their intelligence and performance. Write them a love letter including all the reasons why you unconditionally care about them.
SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.