An Enneagram Guide for Self-Care: Type 6
WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S., LPC, NCC, CCATP
Welcome to part 6 of this blog series thank you for following along! If you are just arriving and have not already identified your Enneagram type, I strongly recommend going back and also reading about Type 1, Type 2, Type 3 and Type 4, and Type 5. To recap, I will be explaining all 9 Enneagram types and sharing personality specific self-care recommendations for each type. Many of these self-care ideas have been pulled from Christina S. Wilcox’s book, Take Care of Your Type. If these blogs resonate with you, you will LOVE her work. Understanding the different personality types will arm you with knowledge to better replenish your unique emotional needs. It will also help you nurture and show empathy towards your partner’s needs. When trying to determine your type, it might be helpful to remember that you probably have a little bit of each type inside of you. The core desires, fears, and motivations that surface the most emotion as you read them will determine your dominant type.
In this blog, we are moving on to Type 6…
Type 6: The Loyalist
Loyalists strive to belong to something bigger than themselves. They try to be overly prepared for every situation and are more concerned with safety and security than any other personality type. They tend to worry about the deterioration of their health and their loved ones’ health. Type 6s will often ask for advice from others because they have a hard time trusting themselves. They generally move at a slow pace because they want to feel certain in their decision making. However, since they both love and hate the feeling of conquering their fears, they can occasionally show a rebellious side too.
Type 6s have strong bonds with others. They tend to be the glue that holds families, friend groups, and different organizations together. Loyalists fight for the common good and thrive in team settings. They are so eager to watch their loved ones succeed and are often willing to put aside their own wants and needs in order to make it happen. It is tough for them to cope with unknowns because they need to make sure everyone around them feels safe and happy. They overcompensate for their insecurities and work really hard to make sure the people they care about are happy and on their side. Loyalists are VERY bothered by change and will take longer than others to adjust to new circumstances. Things like moving, switching jobs, and losing touch with a friend can feel traumatic to a Type 6.
Self-Care Recommendations:
Self-affirm with the words, “it’s okay to trust myself.”
Change up your workout routine. Do something fun and engaging to boost those endorphins instead of only seeing gym time as a chore to protect your health. Try boxing, hip hop dancing, or joining a club sport.
Practice more productive thinking. Reflect on your worst-case scenario and ask yourself, “but how bad would that really be?”
Schedule an appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist that can help you reframe your fearful thoughts.
Put a post-it note on your bathroom mirror that says “I can do hard things.” Draw the fire emoji to really hype yourself up.
Make a list of the objective evidence that reminds you where you stand in your organizations, teams, and friend groups. Don’t believe you are going to lose the people in your life unless they have actually told you this.
Read something uneventful and boring as a way to combat anxious thinking.
Keep your sense of humor; drop the self-deprecating jokes. You deserve to be your biggest cheerleader.
Start each day by giving yourself some credit. Name three things you do really well. Say them out loud while getting ready.
Trust yourself. Reading this is all the permission you need.
Incorporate more anxiety relief strategies.
Mess up one tradition each year. It is no secret you want to hold onto familiarity as hard as you can. It is great that you find peace and safety in knowing what to expect each year but being so inflexible can make you lose sight of what your loved ones actually want to do. Learn to be okay with “new.”
Stop asking everyone you know about your life decisions. It is okay to consult with others but make your committee small and only include people that want to see you succeed and are just as loyal to you as you are to them.
Create a celebratory ritual for the times you can quickly make your own decisions.
Make a vision board that allows you to reflect on your past, present, and future. Hang it somewhere you often look so you can be reminded to make daily decisions that support your overall vision.
Give yourself the same love you are continuously giving others. Buy yourself a gift. Watch your favorite movie. Check in on your own emotional needs.
Make a list of the smells, sensations, sounds, places, and objects that make you feel serene. When Type 6s are generally feeling good about most things in life they can feel more at peace with their decision making.
Practice more mindfulness. It is hard work and takes consistent effort, but pursuing peace is absolutely necessary for a Type 6.
Use gratitude as your strongest weapon against worries doubts and suspicions. Acknowledge how happy you feel walking along the bayou with the sun shining and your kids being goofy next to you. Reflect on the moments that make you happiest each day.
When you start to think, “what is going to come along and ruin this?” quickly reframe your thought to, “nothing is ruining this moment right now.” Neutrality is key for you realist Type 6s out there.
Journal about the times where you have had to take a scary risk and it helped you grow.
Be proud of your careful nature. Loyalists are incredibly aware of their surroundings, the possible outcomes, and the systems required for success. Ask someone you love and trust to tell you about the ways you have helped them by being your authentic, cautious self.
Follow YOUR dreams, big and small.
Why Self-Care is Important for a Type 6
Type 6s try really hard to be responsible and make choices that will allow them to feel safe in life; they are terrified of being separated from physical, mental, and emotional security. Because they need to feel like they belong in their environment, they are high risk for staying in jobs, relationships, and friendships that are not actually helping them grow. If Loyalists are not careful, they can stay in unhealthy situations and begin to live really pessimistic lives. They need self-care to remind them of the beauty in life and the growth that can happen with uncomfortable change.
If your partner is a Type 6, try to remember that their brain is always concocting scary, worst-case scenarios and they need you to hear them out. If you have a different personality type, you might unknowingly invalidate their concerns when asking them to calm down. Your co-regulating intentions are good, but what a Type 6 really needs is for you to take them seriously. Listen to their thoughts, ideas, and fears. You don’t have to always agree but take the time to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective. Maybe your partner is struggling to move away from their friends because they finally found an environment that makes them feel connected and part of something good. Remember how imperative this emotional need is to a Type 6. Think about it before you share the example of how you have had to make friends in different places your whole life. Let Loyalists slow you down every once in a while, and you will see that they make valid and extremely calculated points. Show up for their questions and concerns around big decisions; it will help you make more rounded choices and it will also allow you to show them respect.
Loyalists often sell themselves short. They can become blinded by all of the many things that they are not, instead of capitalizing on all of the things that they are great at doing. Taking time to encourage and empower them towards their goals is one of the best things you can do as their partner. Believe in them. Remind them of their talent and capability. Most importantly, make sure there is congruence in your words and actions because a Type 6 will sniff out your doubt from a mile away. Show up for the Loyalist in your life the same way that they show up for you. Get front row seats to their games, work presentations, and other achievements. Make sacrifices to show them a reciprocated loyalty. It means everything to them.
SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.