Take Me Back to the Good Old Days

Written by Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPA, LPC-S

Founder of Heights Family Counseling

 

I was sitting on the couch with my husband, eating my favorite chips from childhood, and watching a movie from the 80’s, when I asked, “Do you think our kids are regressing during all of this?” I knew the answer. In some ways the regressions were positive: more imaginary play, time away from structured activities lead to more free play, and more independence. Some of the regressions I noticed were not as positive: sucking on their fingers, lisps that were better from speech therapy suddenly worsened, and difficulty controlling emotions. As I was thinking about all of this, it was gently pointed out that I, myself, was regressing, too. I normally eat fairly well and rarely watch Netflix all night. However, lately I had been spending my nights eating junk food from my childhood and re-watching my favorite childhood movies. “Hmm,” I thought, “there’s something to this quarantine regression.”

As humans, but especially for children, our greatest needs are safety and security. When this is threatened, we can revert back to a time we felt most safe and secure. For me, that was Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and Ghost Busters 1 and 2. For our children it might look a little different, and you might even worry about them. However, rest assured that just like the pandemic won’t last forever, these regressions are just a temporary stage in your child’s life.

 It’s also important to note that all behavior is communication. If you notice more tantrums, a need for more physical connection, or sleep regressions, focus on what the behavior is communicating, and not just the behavior itself. Is your child scared from the change in routine? Do they miss their friends? Are they sad from missing all their previous activities? Children communicate through play and behavior, as they often have difficulty expressing emotions verbally as adults do. Instead of punishing the behavior, try to understand it.

Some tips to help with regressions:

1.    Allow for more physical comfort. If your child suddenly ends up in your bed in the middle of the night, don’t worry about long-term habits, but know they are seeking comfort and safety.

2.    Try to keep a routine. Schools and daycares are great for children because they provide structure and routine. As much as you can, try to keep a daily routine to help your child feel more in control of their world.

3.    Get on the floor and play with your child. Children communicate through play, as play is their natural language. Allow them to lead the play. It can help you learn how they are feeling, and also help process their big emotions. Don’t be shocked if their play features medicine or the Coronavirus.

4.    Keep physically active. I’m a big believer that sunshine and movement is therapeutic. Go for daily walks or bicycle rides. Play hopscotch or run through a sprinkler. Whatever you are able to do, try to add it to your daily routines.

5.    Be a source of comfort. Keep the news off, and try to avoid talking about Covid_19 in front of your children. The best thing you can do is let your children know how you are keeping them safe, and that they don’t have to worry.

It can be difficult when you see a regression in your child. Please know it is normal during these times. We are all seeking comfort and security. These regressions and stages will not last forever. There is a reason for the behavior change, as we are all seeking comfort… Take me back to the good old days.

 If your child is struggling, child counseling can help. Contact us today to learn more.

Amy Rollo, PhD (c)  is a triple licensed psychotherapist. She owns a large group practice located in  Houston, Texas. Amy holds a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Texas A&M University and a Master’s degree in Clinical and Counseling Psychology from Southern Methodist University. She is currently completing her dissertation in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy. Amy specializes in family and relationship issues, with over 15 years of experience in play therapy, parent support, work/life balance, and marriage counseling. Amy is an avid blogger and writes for many national mental health and parenting blogs, including HuffPost in the UK and in the United States. Her company's blog has been named Top 100 Counseling Blogs and Websites for Counselors in 2020. Read her bio here https://heightsfamilycounseling.com/team/amy-rollo