Goodbye 2020. Hello 2021.
WRITTEN BY STEFF BRAND, M.S.
NATIONALLY CERTIFIED COUNSELOR
LPC-ASSOCIATE
Alright, y’all! We made it. I don’t know if anyone else follows those funny memes where people show photos of their slowly declining mood for every month of the year, but I find them incredibly accurate. If I created one of my own, my December photo would probably be me crawling over the finish line with a forced, slightly fearful smile. I would force a smile because there is something refreshing about the New Year that makes me want to believe in new opportunities and positive growth, but the little bit of fear comes from so many unknowns in 2021.
When shutdowns began back in March, the world was rocked. We were all experiencing something so unfamiliar and had to freeze and make some of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make:
“I don’t have savings… what do I do other than go to work?”
“My health isn’t great, but it’s my only daughter’s wedding.”
“Should I be honest about who I have been around, or will my classmates shame me?”
“When do we let our friends meet our new baby?”
“My boss says we have to come back to the office. What do I say?”
“Can I protest and stand up for my most important values during a pandemic?”
“Do I get a COVID test and risk having to quarantine? My symptoms aren’t even that bad.”
“I can’t focus online. Should I still pursue my degree or postpone my education?”
“Should I celebrate my graduation with friends or just miss out completely?”
“Should I risk my children getting sick or missing out on social and academic opportunities?”
For many of these questions, there isn’t one perfect answer. Black and white thinking doesn’t work with many of these because we all have different experiences and value systems. I have watched clients panic and cry with uncertainty this year and my typical response is, “let’s talk about your priorities and why they are important to you.” I remind clients that there is no shame in my office and their desires and emotions are 100% valid. I believe that wholeheartedly. With all of the difficult decisions being made this year, I also choose to believe that incredible progress has been happening too.
I did a reflective exercise this week with many of my clients, both adults and kids. We processed three things that they are hoping to leave behind in 2020 and three things that they are hopeful for in 2021. After hearing so many empowering messages, I took some personal time to reflect and write my own. Here is what I decided….
What I am hoping to leave behind in 2020
Being Afraid to Rest – Maybe this resonates with you too. At the beginning of 2020, I had a full caseload and was working overtime trying to balance all the other buckets in my life. I had intense imposter syndrome and was prescribing self-care ideas to clients when I wasn’t even practicing them myself. I actually didn’t realize how much I needed a break until we were forced to cancel all in-person sessions not even three months into the year. Before transitioning many of my clients to telehealth, I paused and took a week to really organize everything in my life. I found myself walking outside, prioritizing time with my loved ones, reading for fun, and focusing primarily on things that were within my control more than ever before. My body felt so recharged. And guess what… nothing had really skipped a beat when I came back to my normal schedule. The rest allowed me to give to others better than I could before. If you can relate to this, you might enjoy my other blog on burnout. I hope the fear of taking a break continues to be a thing of my past.
Saying Yes When I Really Want or Need to Say No – I suppose I can sum up this idea in one word: boundaries. Are there any people pleasers out there? I work on this concept with clients often, but at times, I also struggle with it myself. I am a human first and a therapist second. I have found that looking at the emotions connected to the people-pleasing tendencies can be a huge agent for change. When we do this in session, we often discover that saying yes to working late or hosting a party is often less about making your boss or friend happy; it’s more about avoiding the guilt and incompetence that would otherwise be apparent. The cure is to be vulnerable and process the way you think about yourself. How can you demonstrate more self-kindness? The saying “no” thing gets easier after that. More on boundaries and saying no here.
Comparisons to Others – I am talking about others’ productivity levels, milestones, personal choices, trauma… everything. When you get trapped in the comparison game, it is easy to find yourself always searching for more. You can fall susceptible to too much forward-thinking which takes away from experiencing your progress and emotions in the moment. Other times, people feel like they cannot express certain emotions because someone else is going through something worse. I am hoping myself and others can be a little less guilty of this in days to come.
What I am hopeful for in 2021
Continuing to Work Together as a Society – I don’t know about y’all, but one of my favorite things that I witnessed in 2020 was communities teaming up and working towards shared goals. Despite the political division that is very much a reality, I choose to focus my attention on the vast amount of kindness that has also been around us. Essential workers have been taking incredulous risks to benefit others’ basic needs. Some coffee shops have shown their gratitude by offering FREE CAFFEINE to essential workers. Many mental health professionals have offered extreme sliding scale rates to make it easier for essential workers to prioritize their own needs too. I know most of the counselors at our practice took on at least one pro bono case to also give back in the best way that they could. It has been wicked cool to see all of this happening and I really hope that the societal teamwork continues in 2021.
Continued Use of Virtual Opportunities – People showed so much creativity in 2020 and found more ways to connect virtually than ever before. We have been able to live stream yoga classes, weddings, college lectures, and baby showers. Full days of traveling were replaced with hour-long meetings over Zoom. We attended our health care appointments without leaving our living rooms. Of course, there is something special about being in person. Trust me, I am hoping that becomes safer this year too; but until that happens, I am hoping people continue to prioritize connection and basic needs despite the challenges that exist.
A New Normal, the Infamous Buzz Word of 2020 – We have been continuously waiting to discover what the “new normal” will eventually become. No one knows what this year will bring, but I am keeping an open mind and embracing change. Will people continue live-streaming their weddings? Will we care less about timely responses to emails? Will we start prioritizing our health more than ever before? There are no definitive answers right now, but there sure is hope. What are you looking forward to happening in 2021?
SERVICES STEFF OFFERS AT HEIGHTS COUNSELING
Steff offers a variety of mental health services for kids, teens, and adults at our Houston Heights Therapy Clinic. Her mental health services include: child counseling, play therapy, adult therapy, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, therapy for stress and burnout, sex therapy, trauma treatment and EMDR, couples counseling, premarital counseling and counseling for life transitions. She also offers online therapy in Texas to meet your mental health needs when you can’t make it to our therapy clinic. To learn more, please contact our counseling office.