I embarked on a journey in 2017. A journey that I didn’t even tell my closest friends about. I declared to my husband on New Year’s Eve last year that this was a “me year.” I unapologetically said I was going to be “selfish” this year. You see, my life previously was very similar to many parents out there. Constantly thinking of everyone else, putting my children before me, putting my husband before me, and putting my job before me. I was exhausted, unhappy with life, and in a state of constant exhaustion.
I don’t know about you guys, but I have made some indulgences as of late, and frequently noted “I can’t wait to get back on track after the new year!” I have stated more than once about wanting to get back on a work-out, eat right, have a consistent work schedule, and improve my self-care routine. Let’s face it, the holidays get all of us off track! It’s pretty common to want self-improvement in the new year, but not everyone is able to succeed in their goals.
I quickly realized how we as parents try to protect our children from everything. We intervene at the very moment our children are struggling because as parents it is agonizing and terrifying to watch our children struggle. However, what if that intervention is what stopped your child from learning to tackle their own problems?
These two kids have taught me more about emotion coaching than the 15 years of experience of child counseling, evaluations, and advanced degrees. Read below to learn some of the things that being a mother has taught me to help me with my clients.
Gift giving can have a purpose, be therapeutic, and educational at any age. Read about our Favorite Things for 2017 to gather ideas to shop for your loved ones at any stage in life!
It the most wonderful time of the year,” “Have yourself a Merry Christmas,” and “Have a holly jolly Christmas.” These lyrics have been blasting at us since we were kids. In fact, it seems like the world is urging us to be merry, thankful, and happy during this time of year. Those are all wonderful feelings. However, how do we make sense of our emotions when we do not feel like it is the most wonderful time of the year, and that holly jolly seems down-right impossible.
During the busyness of the holiday season, don’t forget to compassion and self-compassion. Almost everyone is experiencing a hardship you might not know or understand. You might even get sucker punched with a wave of sadness or grief. Use these moments to name the emotion, take care of yourself, and to exercise compassion for others.
This is a time I would normally panic; my thoughts would go in a negative spiral, and I would make this about a flaw in my character instead of realizing it was just a bad situation, i.e. “I’m not good enough because I can’t make appointments on time.” Yet, something was different this time; this time I felt intense gratitude. I acknowledged my feelings, “Yup, this kind of sucks,” then I acknowledged there was nothing I can do about it, “my stressing will not magically clear the freeway.” I then did something I tell my clients to do, I took an action that was the opposite of my feeling
Anxiety is one of those things where simply being alive means you experience it. My dog even has a script for Xanax at the pharmacy for those really bad stormy nights!
We all know about the “terrible 2’s”, “threenagers,” and the “teenage angst years!” Parents expect difficulties during these stages. They have prepared that their child will be establishing independence, which means hearing words, such as “I do it,” “no!,” or “whatever!” As a child counselor, I witness another stage that many parents have not prepared for. It is the elementary years.
I was taking an online spin class this evening, and the instructor yelled “be the best version of you!” Being the counselor that I am, I immediately drifted off into “what the heck is the best version of me?” After sweating for another 20 minutes, cursing at the onscreen instructor for making me work more than I was wanting tonight, and then feeling the endorphins kick in, I realized what my best version was.
15 years later, and I have much more clarity into my counseling role, people’s strength and resiliency, and the field of counseling. I realized that I am not the agent for change, but instead am here to provide support, guidance, and unconditional acceptance along the way. You see, I learned that people are incredibly strong and insightful.
